Q&A › Conflict & resolution
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Conflict & resolution
Nushuz, hakam, sulh, counselling. Arranged by the most frequently asked questions.
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1What does a wife's nushuz (marital defiance) mean in Islam?
A wife's nushuz means a wife departing from the obedience she owes her husband in what is right, without a valid Shariah reason.
Examples commonly given by Shafi'i scholars: leaving the house without permission and without need, refusing intimacy without an excuse, or refusing to live in the home the husband provides. Nushuz is not merely differing in opinion, sulking now and then or claiming lawful rights. Refusing an instruction that is sinful or harmful is also not nushuz. The Qur'an (an-Nisa' 4:34) sets out a staged approach to restore the situation, not to punish. Whether a wife is truly guilty of nushuz, especially where maintenance is concerned, is determined by the Syariah Court on the evidence. See also Nushuz & conflict and Rights of husband & wife.
Examples commonly given by Shafi'i scholars: leaving the house without permission and without need, refusing intimacy without an excuse, or refusing to live in the home the husband provides. Nushuz is not merely differing in opinion, sulking now and then or claiming lawful rights. Refusing an instruction that is sinful or harmful is also not nushuz. The Qur'an (an-Nisa' 4:34) sets out a staged approach to restore the situation, not to punish. Whether a wife is truly guilty of nushuz, especially where maintenance is concerned, is determined by the Syariah Court on the evidence. See also Nushuz & conflict and Rights of husband & wife.
Surah an-Nisa' 4:34Surah al-Baqarah 2:228State Islamic Family Law Enactments
2Is it true that Islam allows a husband to hit his wife? What does an-Nisa' 4:34 really mean?
No — Islam does not allow a husband to injure, hurt or abuse his wife; verse 4:34 is placed within very strict limits.
This verse mentions three steps for manifest nushuz: advice, separating beds, then darb. Classical scholars set conditions: it is a last resort, only if expected to be effective; it may not cause pain, leave a mark or touch the face; Ibn 'Abbas described it as with a tooth-stick (siwak) — symbolic in nature. The Prophet ﷺ said "a blow that does not injure" (ghayra mubarrih), and censured a husband who beats his wife and then sleeps with her. Imam al-Shafi'i held that refraining from it is better. Most importantly: the Prophet ﷺ never struck a single woman (Sahih Muslim 2328). Any injury is wrongdoing, forbidden, and a criminal offence in Malaysia. If you are hit, call the police 999, Talian Kasih 15999. See Nushuz & conflict.
This verse mentions three steps for manifest nushuz: advice, separating beds, then darb. Classical scholars set conditions: it is a last resort, only if expected to be effective; it may not cause pain, leave a mark or touch the face; Ibn 'Abbas described it as with a tooth-stick (siwak) — symbolic in nature. The Prophet ﷺ said "a blow that does not injure" (ghayra mubarrih), and censured a husband who beats his wife and then sleeps with her. Imam al-Shafi'i held that refraining from it is better. Most importantly: the Prophet ﷺ never struck a single woman (Sahih Muslim 2328). Any injury is wrongdoing, forbidden, and a criminal offence in Malaysia. If you are hit, call the police 999, Talian Kasih 15999. See Nushuz & conflict.
Difference between schools. All four schools require that any striking must not injure; many Shafi'i and other scholars state that refraining from it is better, following the example of the Prophet ﷺ.
Surah an-Nisa' 4:34Sahih Muslim 2328Sahih Muslim 1218Sahih al-Bukhari 5204Tafsir al-Tabari (an-Nisa' 4:34)Domestic Violence Act 1994 (Act 521)
3My husband hits me. What should I do?
Your safety comes first — domestic violence is haram and a crime, and you are entitled to immediate protection.
If you are in danger, call the police on 999 or go to the nearest police station. For 24-hour support, call Talian Kasih 15999 (or WhatsApp 019-261 5999). Get treatment at the emergency department of a government hospital — One Stop Crisis Centre (OSCC) helps victims and records injuries. Under the Domestic Violence Act 1994, you can apply for a protection order. Islam has never required a wife to endure abuse patiently: the Prophet ﷺ forbade causing harm, and he himself never struck a wife. Leaving the home for your safety is not nushuz (marital defiance). Once you are safe, the Syariah Court can help with judicial dissolution (fasakh), maintenance (nafkah) and child custody. See Counselling and Nushuz & conflict.
If you are in danger, call the police on 999 or go to the nearest police station. For 24-hour support, call Talian Kasih 15999 (or WhatsApp 019-261 5999). Get treatment at the emergency department of a government hospital — One Stop Crisis Centre (OSCC) helps victims and records injuries. Under the Domestic Violence Act 1994, you can apply for a protection order. Islam has never required a wife to endure abuse patiently: the Prophet ﷺ forbade causing harm, and he himself never struck a wife. Leaving the home for your safety is not nushuz (marital defiance). Once you are safe, the Syariah Court can help with judicial dissolution (fasakh), maintenance (nafkah) and child custody. See Counselling and Nushuz & conflict.
Akta Keganasan Rumah Tangga 1994 (Akta 521)Sahih Muslim 2328riwayat Ibn Majah (hasan) — la darar wa la dirarSurah al-Baqarah 2:231
4Can a husband also be guilty of nushuz?
Yes — the Qur'an itself mentions nushuz on the husband's part in an-Nisa' 4:128.
A husband's nushuz is when he is indifferent, turns away, neglects maintenance, does not give the wife her turn (in polygyny), is harsh or wrongs his wife. Verse 4:128 encourages husband and wife to seek a way of reconciliation (sulh), "and reconciliation is better". If the husband still neglects his responsibilities, the wife may complain to the Religious Affairs Office or the Syariah Court for a maintenance claim, an order that the husband act fairly, or in certain circumstances fasakh or khulʿ. The Prophet's ﷺ hadith stresses: "The best of you are those who are best to their families." See Nushuz & conflict and Rights of husband & wife.
A husband's nushuz is when he is indifferent, turns away, neglects maintenance, does not give the wife her turn (in polygyny), is harsh or wrongs his wife. Verse 4:128 encourages husband and wife to seek a way of reconciliation (sulh), "and reconciliation is better". If the husband still neglects his responsibilities, the wife may complain to the Religious Affairs Office or the Syariah Court for a maintenance claim, an order that the husband act fairly, or in certain circumstances fasakh or khulʿ. The Prophet's ﷺ hadith stresses: "The best of you are those who are best to their families." See Nushuz & conflict and Rights of husband & wife.
Surah an-Nisa' 4:128Surah an-Nisa' 4:19Jami' at-Tirmidhi 3895 (sahih)
5What is a hakam in marriage?
A hakam is a conciliating representative — one from the husband's family and one from the wife's family — appointed when a dispute between husband and wife becomes serious.
This is based on an-Nisa' 4:35: "If they both desire reconciliation, Allah will bring about agreement between them." The arbiters' task is to hear both parties, find the root of the conflict and propose a way to reconcile. Arbiters should be knowledgeable, fair and trustworthy. In Malaysia, the Syariah Court may appoint arbiters under the state Enactment when the dispute persists (syiqaq), and the court sets their authority. Arbiters are used only after the couple's own efforts have failed — not as a first step. See Counselling and Nushuz & conflict.
This is based on an-Nisa' 4:35: "If they both desire reconciliation, Allah will bring about agreement between them." The arbiters' task is to hear both parties, find the root of the conflict and propose a way to reconcile. Arbiters should be knowledgeable, fair and trustworthy. In Malaysia, the Syariah Court may appoint arbiters under the state Enactment when the dispute persists (syiqaq), and the court sets their authority. Arbiters are used only after the couple's own efforts have failed — not as a first step. See Counselling and Nushuz & conflict.
Difference between schools. The Shafi'i school (authoritative view) and the Hanafi school see the arbiters (hakam) as representatives who need the spouses' permission to separate them; the Maliki school sees them as judges who can decide on separation.
Surah an-Nisa' 4:35State Islamic Family Law Enactment (hakam provisions)
6What is sulh in the Syariah Court and is it compulsory?
Sulh is a process of reconciliation or negotiation conducted by a Sulh Officer at the Syariah Court to help the parties reach agreement without a trial.
It is commonly used for claims of maintenance, custody (hadhanah), mutʿah (consolatory gift), jointly acquired matrimonial property and other family matters. Both parties sit together, helped by a neutral officer, and the agreement reached can be recorded as a binding court order. Its basis is the Qur'an: "reconciliation is better" (4:128) and "make peace between your brothers" (49:10). Sulh is faster, cheaper and preserves relationships, especially for the children's sake. But it is not suitable if there is violence or fear — tell the officer if you are not safe. Detailed procedures depend on the state; see Nushuz & conflict and States.
It is commonly used for claims of maintenance, custody (hadhanah), mutʿah (consolatory gift), jointly acquired matrimonial property and other family matters. Both parties sit together, helped by a neutral officer, and the agreement reached can be recorded as a binding court order. Its basis is the Qur'an: "reconciliation is better" (4:128) and "make peace between your brothers" (49:10). Sulh is faster, cheaper and preserves relationships, especially for the children's sake. But it is not suitable if there is violence or fear — tell the officer if you are not safe. Detailed procedures depend on the state; see Nushuz & conflict and States.
Surah an-Nisa' 4:128Surah al-Hujurat 49:10State Practice Directions / Civil Procedure (Sulh) Rules
7Where can I get marriage counselling in Malaysia?
You can get marriage counselling at the District Islamic Religious Affairs Office or the Family Consultation/Counselling Unit of the state Islamic Religious Department, which is usually free.
Other options include registered counsellors at government agencies, hospitals, universities and family NGOs. Counselling suits problems of communication, finances, family interference, polygyny conflicts and before deciding on divorce. Come with your spouse if possible; if your spouse refuses, individual counselling still helps. If there is violence, get protection first (999 / Talian Kasih 15999) — couples counselling is no substitute for safety. Lists and guidance are in Counselling and States.
Other options include registered counsellors at government agencies, hospitals, universities and family NGOs. Counselling suits problems of communication, finances, family interference, polygyny conflicts and before deciding on divorce. Come with your spouse if possible; if your spouse refuses, individual counselling still helps. If there is violence, get protection first (999 / Talian Kasih 15999) — couples counselling is no substitute for safety. Lists and guidance are in Counselling and States.
Surah an-Nisa' 4:35Surah al-Hujurat 49:10
8What are the correct steps under the Shariah if a wife is guilty of nushuz (marital defiance)?
Langkah pertama ialah nasihat yang lembut, kemudian berpisah tempat tidur, dan jika masih buntu, membawa hakam atau pihak berautoriti — bukan kekerasan.
An-Nisa' 4:34 menyebut nasihat, hajr di tempat tidur dan darb; ramai ulama menegaskan ia berperingkat dan langkah terakhir itu dihadkan sehingga tidak menyakitkan, serta lebih baik ditinggalkan kerana Nabi ﷺ tidak pernah memukul isteri (Sahih Muslim 2328). Sebelum menuduh nusyuz, suami perlu menyemak diri: adakah nafkah, layanan dan keadilan sudah ditunaikan? Selepas itu, ayat 4:35 menyuruh melantik hakam. Jika masih gagal, rujuk Pejabat Agama atau Mahkamah Syariah. Lihat Nusyuz & konflik dan Kaunseling.
An-Nisa' 4:34 menyebut nasihat, hajr di tempat tidur dan darb; ramai ulama menegaskan ia berperingkat dan langkah terakhir itu dihadkan sehingga tidak menyakitkan, serta lebih baik ditinggalkan kerana Nabi ﷺ tidak pernah memukul isteri (Sahih Muslim 2328). Sebelum menuduh nusyuz, suami perlu menyemak diri: adakah nafkah, layanan dan keadilan sudah ditunaikan? Selepas itu, ayat 4:35 menyuruh melantik hakam. Jika masih gagal, rujuk Pejabat Agama atau Mahkamah Syariah. Lihat Nusyuz & konflik dan Kaunseling.
Surah an-Nisa' 4:34Surah an-Nisa' 4:35Sahih Muslim 2328Sahih al-Bukhari 5204
9Does a wife guilty of nushuz (marital defiance) lose her right to maintenance (nafkah)?
According to the Shafi'i school and Islamic family law in Malaysia, a wife found guilty of nushuz is not entitled to maintenance for herself throughout the period of nushuz.
But there are some important points: (1) nushuz must be proved — the husband's allegation alone is not enough, and the determination is made by the Syariah Court; (2) the right to maintenance returns when the wife resumes obedience; (3) child maintenance is not lost at all because of the mother's nushuz; (4) a wife who leaves the house out of fear of abuse or because the husband has not provided suitable housing is not counted as guilty of nushuz. A husband may not withhold maintenance at will on the pretext of "nushuz" without a court order. See Maintenance (nafkah).
But there are some important points: (1) nushuz must be proved — the husband's allegation alone is not enough, and the determination is made by the Syariah Court; (2) the right to maintenance returns when the wife resumes obedience; (3) child maintenance is not lost at all because of the mother's nushuz; (4) a wife who leaves the house out of fear of abuse or because the husband has not provided suitable housing is not counted as guilty of nushuz. A husband may not withhold maintenance at will on the pretext of "nushuz" without a court order. See Maintenance (nafkah).
Difference between schools. All four schools generally cancel the maintenance of a wife guilty of nushuz, but differ on what counts as nushuz and how it is proved.
Surah an-Nisa' 4:34Surah al-Baqarah 2:233State Islamic Family Law Enactments (provisions on maintenance & nushuz)
10What is an Interim Protection Order (IPO) and how do I apply for one?
An IPO is a court order under the Domestic Violence Act 1994 that forbids the abuser from using violence against the victim while the case is investigated by the police.
Usual steps: make a police report, say that you want protection, and the police officer or Social Welfare Officer (JKM) will help with the application to the Magistrates' Court. The order can forbid the abuser from approaching the home, workplace or children. After charges are brought, the court can issue a Protection Order (PO). The Act applies to everyone, including Muslim couples, and does not conflict with Syariah because Islam forbids harm. Contact Talian Kasih 15999 for guidance. See Nushuz & conflict.
Usual steps: make a police report, say that you want protection, and the police officer or Social Welfare Officer (JKM) will help with the application to the Magistrates' Court. The order can forbid the abuser from approaching the home, workplace or children. After charges are brought, the court can issue a Protection Order (PO). The Act applies to everyone, including Muslim couples, and does not conflict with Syariah because Islam forbids harm. Contact Talian Kasih 15999 for guidance. See Nushuz & conflict.
Akta Keganasan Rumah Tangga 1994 (Akta 521)riwayat Ibn Majah (hasan) — la darar wa la dirar
11What does 'separate from them in bed' mean and how long is it allowed?
Hajr dalam an-Nisa' 4:34 ialah suami tidak tidur bersama atau berpaling di tempat tidur sebagai isyarat ketidakpuasan hati, dengan harapan isteri kembali berbaik.
Ia dilakukan di dalam rumah, bukan dengan meninggalkan isteri di luar atau memalukannya di depan orang; Nabi ﷺ berpesan "jangan memulaukan kecuali di dalam rumah" (riwayat Abu Dawud, hasan sahih). Tiada tempoh tetap dalam nas; ulama menyebut ia sekadar perlu untuk memberi kesan. Nabi ﷺ pernah menjauhi isteri-isteri baginda selama sebulan. Ulama Syafi'i membezakan: berpisah tempat tidur dibolehkan dengan tujuan mendidik, tetapi tidak bertegur sapa lebih tiga hari adalah dilarang. Ia bukan alat menghukum atau menyiksa. Lihat Nusyuz & konflik.
Ia dilakukan di dalam rumah, bukan dengan meninggalkan isteri di luar atau memalukannya di depan orang; Nabi ﷺ berpesan "jangan memulaukan kecuali di dalam rumah" (riwayat Abu Dawud, hasan sahih). Tiada tempoh tetap dalam nas; ulama menyebut ia sekadar perlu untuk memberi kesan. Nabi ﷺ pernah menjauhi isteri-isteri baginda selama sebulan. Ulama Syafi'i membezakan: berpisah tempat tidur dibolehkan dengan tujuan mendidik, tetapi tidak bertegur sapa lebih tiga hari adalah dilarang. Ia bukan alat menghukum atau menyiksa. Lihat Nusyuz & konflik.
Surah an-Nisa' 4:34riwayat Abu Dawud (hasan sahih)Sahih Muslim 2560
12Is it a sin for husband and wife not to speak to each other for days after a quarrel?
Tidak bertegur sapa lebih daripada tiga hari kerana marah adalah dilarang antara sesama Muslim, apatah lagi suami isteri.
Nabi ﷺ bersabda tidak halal seorang Muslim memulaukan saudaranya lebih tiga malam, dan yang terbaik ialah yang memulakan salam (Sahih al-Bukhari 6077; Sahih Muslim 2560). Hajr di tempat tidur dalam an-Nisa' 4:34 ialah langkah pendidikan yang terhad, bukan izin untuk "perang dingin" berpanjangan. Diam berhari-hari biasanya memburukkan salah faham dan memberi kesan kepada anak-anak. Cuba mulakan dengan salam, ucapan ringkas atau mesej yang lembut, kemudian bincang apabila emosi reda. Jika sentiasa berulang, dapatkan kaunseling.
Nabi ﷺ bersabda tidak halal seorang Muslim memulaukan saudaranya lebih tiga malam, dan yang terbaik ialah yang memulakan salam (Sahih al-Bukhari 6077; Sahih Muslim 2560). Hajr di tempat tidur dalam an-Nisa' 4:34 ialah langkah pendidikan yang terhad, bukan izin untuk "perang dingin" berpanjangan. Diam berhari-hari biasanya memburukkan salah faham dan memberi kesan kepada anak-anak. Cuba mulakan dengan salam, ucapan ringkas atau mesej yang lembut, kemudian bincang apabila emosi reda. Jika sentiasa berulang, dapatkan kaunseling.
Sahih al-Bukhari 6077Sahih Muslim 2560Surah an-Nisa' 4:34
13Is emotional abuse such as threats and insults counted as domestic violence?
Yes — in Malaysia, the Domestic Violence Act 1994 (as amended) recognises emotional, mental and psychological abuse as domestic violence, alongside physical and sexual abuse.
Examples include threats, constant insults, isolating the victim from family, excessive control of money, or threatening divorce and taking the children in order to frighten. From the Syariah perspective, all of this contradicts the command "live with them in kindness" (4:19) and the prohibition on harming one's wife (2:231). Victims can make a police report and apply for a protection order. Keep evidence (messages, recordings, witnesses) and contact the police 999, Talian Kasih 15999. See Nushuz & conflict.
Examples include threats, constant insults, isolating the victim from family, excessive control of money, or threatening divorce and taking the children in order to frighten. From the Syariah perspective, all of this contradicts the command "live with them in kindness" (4:19) and the prohibition on harming one's wife (2:231). Victims can make a police report and apply for a protection order. Keep evidence (messages, recordings, witnesses) and contact the police 999, Talian Kasih 15999. See Nushuz & conflict.
Domestic Violence Act 1994 (Act 521)Surah an-Nisa' 4:19Surah al-Baqarah 2:231
14If a wife leaves the house out of fear of being beaten, is she guilty of nushuz?
No — a wife who leaves the house to save herself from danger or abuse is not counted as guilty of nushuz.
Scholars explain that a wife's obedience is only in what is right, and the prohibition on leaving the house falls away when there is an emergency or a threat to life, body or honour. The principle of la darar wa la dirar (no harm and no reciprocating harm) applies. The wife should go to a safe place — family, a shelter or a police station — and make a report so there is a record. Her right to maintenance remains, and the issue is ultimately decided by the Syariah Court if the husband alleges nushuz. Help: police 999, Talian Kasih 15999. See Nushuz & conflict.
Scholars explain that a wife's obedience is only in what is right, and the prohibition on leaving the house falls away when there is an emergency or a threat to life, body or honour. The principle of la darar wa la dirar (no harm and no reciprocating harm) applies. The wife should go to a safe place — family, a shelter or a police station — and make a report so there is a record. Her right to maintenance remains, and the issue is ultimately decided by the Syariah Court if the husband alleges nushuz. Help: police 999, Talian Kasih 15999. See Nushuz & conflict.
narrated by Ibn Majah (hasan) — la darar wa la dirarnarrated by al-Bukhari & Muslim — obedience only in what is rightDomestic Violence Act 1994 (Act 521)
15Is it wrong for husband and wife to quarrel in front of the children?
Disagreement is normal, but quarrelling with shouting, insults or harshness in front of the children can harm their emotions and development.
Parents are "shepherds" who will be asked about those in their care (Sahih al-Bukhari 893), and the Qur'an commands protecting one's family from ruin (66:6). Children who frequently see violent conflict are at risk of anxiety, depression and repeating the same pattern. If you need to discuss something serious, postpone it until the children are not around. Yet children can learn something good when they see their parents disagree respectfully and then make up. If a child witnesses violence, that is a form of abuse — get help. See Children.
Parents are "shepherds" who will be asked about those in their care (Sahih al-Bukhari 893), and the Qur'an commands protecting one's family from ruin (66:6). Children who frequently see violent conflict are at risk of anxiety, depression and repeating the same pattern. If you need to discuss something serious, postpone it until the children are not around. Yet children can learn something good when they see their parents disagree respectfully and then make up. If a child witnesses violence, that is a form of abuse — get help. See Children.
Sahih al-Bukhari 893Surah at-Tahrim 66:6
16How should a polygynous husband resolve quarrels between his wives?
The husband must be fair, calm and impartial, and deal with the root of the conflict — usually a sense of unfairness in the rotation, maintenance or attention.
The Messenger of Allah ﷺ himself dealt gently with jealousy among his wives; when one wife broke a dish of food sent by her co-wife, he gathered up the food, said "your mother is jealous", and replaced the dish (narrated by al-Bukhari). Practical steps: keep the rotation precisely, do not speak ill of one wife to another, do not compare them, and listen to each wife separately. Separate homes reduce friction. If disputes continue, seek counselling. See Relations between co-wives and Counselling.
The Messenger of Allah ﷺ himself dealt gently with jealousy among his wives; when one wife broke a dish of food sent by her co-wife, he gathered up the food, said "your mother is jealous", and replaced the dish (narrated by al-Bukhari). Practical steps: keep the rotation precisely, do not speak ill of one wife to another, do not compare them, and listen to each wife separately. Separate homes reduce friction. If disputes continue, seek counselling. See Relations between co-wives and Counselling.
Surah an-Nisa' 4:3Surah an-Nisa' 4:129narrated by al-Bukhari — the story of the broken food dish
17My husband is unfair in the rotation of nights and maintenance. What can a wife do?
The wife has the right to raise it, ask for fairness and, if nothing changes, take a complaint to the religious affairs office or the Syariah Court.
Fairness in the rotation of nights and in maintenance is obligatory for a polygynous husband (4:3), even though equal inclination of the heart is not required (4:129). Start by discussing it calmly and specifically — note down dates and facts. If that fails, ask a trusted family member or a counsellor to intervene. The court can order maintenance, and under state enactments, unfair treatment of a wife can be an offence and, in certain circumstances, grounds for a fasakh claim. See Managing the rotation, Maintenance (nafkah) and Talaq & divorce.
Fairness in the rotation of nights and in maintenance is obligatory for a polygynous husband (4:3), even though equal inclination of the heart is not required (4:129). Start by discussing it calmly and specifically — note down dates and facts. If that fails, ask a trusted family member or a counsellor to intervene. The court can order maintenance, and under state enactments, unfair treatment of a wife can be an offence and, in certain circumstances, grounds for a fasakh claim. See Managing the rotation, Maintenance (nafkah) and Talaq & divorce.
Surah an-Nisa' 4:3Surah an-Nisa' 4:129Surah an-Nisa' 4:128State Islamic Family Law Enactment
18My husband does not pray and refuses to change. What should a wife do?
Keep advising your husband with wisdom and patience; abandoning prayer is a major sin, but according to the Shafi'i school it does not by itself annul the marriage.
Allah commands the head of the family to enjoin prayer on his household and to be patient in it (Taha 20:132), and the Prophet ﷺ described prayer as the dividing line between a person and disbelief (Sahih Muslim 82). Begin with example and gentle invitation — praying together at home, reminders at calm moments, not during a quarrel. Do not insult him or expose his faults to others.
If there is no change, ask for help from someone he respects, such as his parents, an imam or a marriage counsellor at the religious affairs office. If his refusal comes with other harm, such as neglect of maintenance or violence, get advice from a Syariah lawyer about the options at the Syariah Court. See Nushuz & Conflict and Counselling.
Allah commands the head of the family to enjoin prayer on his household and to be patient in it (Taha 20:132), and the Prophet ﷺ described prayer as the dividing line between a person and disbelief (Sahih Muslim 82). Begin with example and gentle invitation — praying together at home, reminders at calm moments, not during a quarrel. Do not insult him or expose his faults to others.
If there is no change, ask for help from someone he respects, such as his parents, an imam or a marriage counsellor at the religious affairs office. If his refusal comes with other harm, such as neglect of maintenance or violence, get advice from a Syariah lawyer about the options at the Syariah Court. See Nushuz & Conflict and Counselling.
Differences between the schools. Shafi'i, Maliki and Hanafi: abandoning prayer out of laziness without denying its obligation is sinful (fasiq), not apostasy, so the marriage remains. The well-known Hanbali view regards it as disbelief (kufr), which affects the marriage — consult a mufti or the court in an actual case.
Surah Taha 20:132Surah at-Tahrim 66:6Sahih Muslim 82
19How does one control anger when quarrelling with one's husband or wife?
Pause the conversation, seek forgiveness and change your state — that is the sunnah guidance when angry.
When a man asked for advice, the Prophet ﷺ said repeatedly: "Do not get angry" (Sahih al-Bukhari 6116). He also said the strong person is the one who can control himself when angry (Sahih al-Bukhari 6114). Among the recommendations: say a'udzu billahi minasy-syaitanir-rajim, sit down if standing (narrated by Abu Dawud, sahih), stay silent, make wudu, and step away for a while. Allah praises "those who restrain their anger and pardon people" (3:134). Agree on a "time-out signal" with your spouse and resume the discussion when calm. If anger leads to threats or violence, seek counselling.
When a man asked for advice, the Prophet ﷺ said repeatedly: "Do not get angry" (Sahih al-Bukhari 6116). He also said the strong person is the one who can control himself when angry (Sahih al-Bukhari 6114). Among the recommendations: say a'udzu billahi minasy-syaitanir-rajim, sit down if standing (narrated by Abu Dawud, sahih), stay silent, make wudu, and step away for a while. Allah praises "those who restrain their anger and pardon people" (3:134). Agree on a "time-out signal" with your spouse and resume the discussion when calm. If anger leads to threats or violence, seek counselling.
Sahih al-Bukhari 6116Sahih al-Bukhari 6114narrated by Abu Dawud (sahih) — sitting down when angrySurah Ali 'Imran 3:134
20How should husband and wife communicate well according to the sunnah?
Speak well or keep silent, listen carefully and be gentle — that is the basis of communication between husband and wife in Islam.
The Prophet ﷺ said: "Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him speak good or keep silent" (Sahih Muslim 47). He was attentive to his wife's emotions; he once told Aisyah r.a. that he knew when she was pleased and when she was angry (narrated by al-Bukhari & Muslim). Practical habits: use a gentle tone, speak of your own feelings ("I feel…") rather than accusations, avoid raking up old mistakes, give praise and thanks, and set aside time to talk every day. Allah commands: "Say that which is best" (17:53). See Approaches to persuasion.
The Prophet ﷺ said: "Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him speak good or keep silent" (Sahih Muslim 47). He was attentive to his wife's emotions; he once told Aisyah r.a. that he knew when she was pleased and when she was angry (narrated by al-Bukhari & Muslim). Practical habits: use a gentle tone, speak of your own feelings ("I feel…") rather than accusations, avoid raking up old mistakes, give praise and thanks, and set aside time to talk every day. Allah commands: "Say that which is best" (17:53). See Approaches to persuasion.
Sahih Muslim 47Surah al-Isra' 17:53narrated by al-Bukhari & Muslim — Aisyah pleased and angrySurah ar-Rum 30:21
21May a husband or wife tell 'white lies' to spare their spouse's feelings?
Islam gives limited leeway for words that strengthen the love between husband and wife, but not for deceiving in matters of rights and responsibilities.
The Prophet ﷺ said that the one who reconciles people is not a liar, and gave a concession in three situations, including what a husband says to his wife and a wife to her husband (Sahih Muslim 2605; Sahih al-Bukhari 2692). Scholars explain that this refers to sweet words and sparing feelings — for example praising the cooking. It does not permit hiding another marriage, debts, or denying the right to maintenance. In polygyny, hiding a new marriage from an existing wife may break the law. See Approaches to persuasion.
The Prophet ﷺ said that the one who reconciles people is not a liar, and gave a concession in three situations, including what a husband says to his wife and a wife to her husband (Sahih Muslim 2605; Sahih al-Bukhari 2692). Scholars explain that this refers to sweet words and sparing feelings — for example praising the cooking. It does not permit hiding another marriage, debts, or denying the right to maintenance. In polygyny, hiding a new marriage from an existing wife may break the law. See Approaches to persuasion.
Sahih Muslim 2605Sahih al-Bukhari 2692
22My in-laws interfere too much in our marriage. How do we resolve it?
Jaga hormat kepada mertua, tetapi suami isteri perlu menetapkan sempadan bersama dengan cara yang berhikmah.
Berbuat baik kepada ibu bapa wajib, namun keputusan rumah tangga adalah tanggungjawab suami isteri. Langkah praktikal: bincang berdua dahulu dan bersatu dalam pendirian; biar anak kandung (suami kepada ibunya, isteri kepada ibunya) yang menyampaikan sempadan dengan lembut; elak mengadu kepada mertua tentang pasangan. Isteri berhak mendapat tempat tinggal yang memberi privasi — ulama Syafi'i menyebut isteri tidak wajib tinggal serumah dengan keluarga suami yang menyakitinya. Jika buntu, minta orang tengah yang dihormati atau kaunselor. Lihat Hak suami & isteri dan Kaunseling.
Berbuat baik kepada ibu bapa wajib, namun keputusan rumah tangga adalah tanggungjawab suami isteri. Langkah praktikal: bincang berdua dahulu dan bersatu dalam pendirian; biar anak kandung (suami kepada ibunya, isteri kepada ibunya) yang menyampaikan sempadan dengan lembut; elak mengadu kepada mertua tentang pasangan. Isteri berhak mendapat tempat tinggal yang memberi privasi — ulama Syafi'i menyebut isteri tidak wajib tinggal serumah dengan keluarga suami yang menyakitinya. Jika buntu, minta orang tengah yang dihormati atau kaunselor. Lihat Hak suami & isteri dan Kaunseling.
Surah al-Isra' 17:23Surah an-Nisa' 4:19Surah at-Talaq 65:6
23May I tell friends or social media about my marital problems?
Exposing a spouse's faults on social media or to the public is forbidden, but complaining to those who can help is permitted.
Recounting a spouse's faults falls under the forbidden backbiting (ghibah) (49:12), and the Prophet ﷺ censured revealing the secrets of the marital relationship. But scholars make an exception for complaints made to seek help or justice — like Hindun, who complained to the Prophet ﷺ about her miserly husband (Sahih al-Bukhari 5364). So talk to a counsellor, a trustworthy family member, a religious officer, a lawyer or the police. Social media posts can also become evidence that harms you in court. See Counselling.
Recounting a spouse's faults falls under the forbidden backbiting (ghibah) (49:12), and the Prophet ﷺ censured revealing the secrets of the marital relationship. But scholars make an exception for complaints made to seek help or justice — like Hindun, who complained to the Prophet ﷺ about her miserly husband (Sahih al-Bukhari 5364). So talk to a counsellor, a trustworthy family member, a religious officer, a lawyer or the police. Social media posts can also become evidence that harms you in court. See Counselling.
Surah al-Hujurat 49:12Sahih al-Bukhari 5364
24My husband has not provided maintenance (nafkah) for months. What action can be taken?
The wife can file a maintenance claim at the Syariah Court, and the court can order the husband to pay current maintenance and arrears.
Material maintenance (nafkah zahir: food, clothing, accommodation) is obligatory on the husband according to his means (2:233, 65:7). Before going to court, try discussing it or seek counselling and mediation (sulh). If the husband defies a court order, enforcement action can be taken, including salary deduction; some states have a Family Support Division (Bahagian Sokongan Keluarga) that helps. Not providing maintenance for a certain period can also be grounds for fasakh under state enactments. Hind was allowed to take what was sufficient from her miserly husband's wealth (Sahih al-Bukhari 5364). See Maintenance (nafkah) and Calculator.
Material maintenance (nafkah zahir: food, clothing, accommodation) is obligatory on the husband according to his means (2:233, 65:7). Before going to court, try discussing it or seek counselling and mediation (sulh). If the husband defies a court order, enforcement action can be taken, including salary deduction; some states have a Family Support Division (Bahagian Sokongan Keluarga) that helps. Not providing maintenance for a certain period can also be grounds for fasakh under state enactments. Hind was allowed to take what was sufficient from her miserly husband's wealth (Sahih al-Bukhari 5364). See Maintenance (nafkah) and Calculator.
Surah al-Baqarah 2:233Surah at-Talaq 65:7Sahih al-Bukhari 5364State Islamic Family Law Enactment
25Must a wife obey her husband in everything?
Tidak — ketaatan isteri kepada suami wajib dalam perkara makruf (baik dan munasabah) sahaja, bukan dalam maksiat atau perkara yang memudaratkan.
Nabi ﷺ bersabda: "Ketaatan hanyalah dalam perkara makruf" dan tiada ketaatan kepada makhluk dalam bermaksiat kepada Allah (riwayat al-Bukhari & Muslim). Contohnya, isteri tidak wajib mengikut arahan meninggalkan solat, mendedahkan aurat, menyerahkan hartanya sendiri tanpa rela, atau memutuskan hubungan dengan ibu bapa. Pada masa yang sama, suami sebagai qawwam (4:34) memikul tanggungjawab memimpin, melindungi dan memberi nafkah — kepimpinan itu amanah, bukan kuasa mutlak. Kedua-duanya mempunyai hak dan kewajipan (2:228). Lihat Hak suami & isteri dan Nusyuz & konflik.
Nabi ﷺ bersabda: "Ketaatan hanyalah dalam perkara makruf" dan tiada ketaatan kepada makhluk dalam bermaksiat kepada Allah (riwayat al-Bukhari & Muslim). Contohnya, isteri tidak wajib mengikut arahan meninggalkan solat, mendedahkan aurat, menyerahkan hartanya sendiri tanpa rela, atau memutuskan hubungan dengan ibu bapa. Pada masa yang sama, suami sebagai qawwam (4:34) memikul tanggungjawab memimpin, melindungi dan memberi nafkah — kepimpinan itu amanah, bukan kuasa mutlak. Kedua-duanya mempunyai hak dan kewajipan (2:228). Lihat Hak suami & isteri dan Nusyuz & konflik.
riwayat al-Bukhari & Muslim — ketaatan hanya dalam makrufSurah an-Nisa' 4:34Surah al-Baqarah 2:228
26I found out my husband is cheating with another woman. What should I do?
Calm yourself, verify the facts, and get support before making big decisions.
An extramarital relationship is a major sin, and you have every right to feel hurt. Avoid acting when emotions are at their peak, such as attacking the third party or exposing it on social media. Talk to your husband directly; if needed, bring in an intermediary or counsellor. If your husband intends to marry, remember that polygyny in Malaysia requires court permission and the existing wife has the right to be heard. You also have the right to ask for sexual health screening. If the relationship cannot be repaired, options such as khulʿ (tebus talak) or fasakh can be discussed with a Syariah lawyer. See Counselling, Nushuz & conflict and Talaq & divorce.
An extramarital relationship is a major sin, and you have every right to feel hurt. Avoid acting when emotions are at their peak, such as attacking the third party or exposing it on social media. Talk to your husband directly; if needed, bring in an intermediary or counsellor. If your husband intends to marry, remember that polygyny in Malaysia requires court permission and the existing wife has the right to be heard. You also have the right to ask for sexual health screening. If the relationship cannot be repaired, options such as khulʿ (tebus talak) or fasakh can be discussed with a Syariah lawyer. See Counselling, Nushuz & conflict and Talaq & divorce.
Surah al-Isra' 17:32Surah al-Hujurat 49:6Act 303, s.23
27May I accuse my spouse of adultery if I only suspect it without proof?
No — accusing someone of adultery without lawful proof is a major sin (qazaf) and can be punished.
The Qur'an requires four witnesses for an accusation of zina (24:4), and commands avoiding suspicion and not spying (49:12). For a husband who is sure his wife has committed zina but has no witnesses, the Shariah provides the li'an procedure before a judge (24:6) — it is a serious process with permanent effects and only through the court. If you suspect something, discuss your concern with your spouse honestly without accusing, and get help from a counsellor. Excessive, baseless jealousy can also destroy a marriage. See Talaq & divorce.
The Qur'an requires four witnesses for an accusation of zina (24:4), and commands avoiding suspicion and not spying (49:12). For a husband who is sure his wife has committed zina but has no witnesses, the Shariah provides the li'an procedure before a judge (24:6) — it is a serious process with permanent effects and only through the court. If you suspect something, discuss your concern with your spouse honestly without accusing, and get help from a counsellor. Excessive, baseless jealousy can also destroy a marriage. See Talaq & divorce.
Surah an-Nur 24:4Surah an-Nur 24:6Surah al-Hujurat 49:12
28May a husband or wife check their spouse's phone without permission?
In general, spying on a spouse's phone without permission is prohibited because the Qur'an forbids tajassus (searching out people's faults).
Verse 49:12 commands avoiding much suspicion and not spying. Marriage is built on trust; secret checking usually breeds more suspicion and quarrels. It is better for spouses to agree on transparency — for example sharing passwords voluntarily. If there are strong signs of danger (for example a threat to the children or to safety), refer to the authorities rather than acting alone. Evidence obtained wrongfully may also be problematic in court. Discuss your concerns directly and get counselling if trust has already cracked.
Verse 49:12 commands avoiding much suspicion and not spying. Marriage is built on trust; secret checking usually breeds more suspicion and quarrels. It is better for spouses to agree on transparency — for example sharing passwords voluntarily. If there are strong signs of danger (for example a threat to the children or to safety), refer to the authorities rather than acting alone. Evidence obtained wrongfully may also be problematic in court. Discuss your concerns directly and get counselling if trust has already cracked.
Surah al-Hujurat 49:12Surah al-Hujurat 49:6
29Should we stop and take a break when a quarrel gets heated?
Yes — pausing when emotions peak is in line with the sunnah and very effective in avoiding words you will regret.
Many pronouncements of talaq, threats and insults come out in anger. The Prophet ﷺ taught changing one's position when angry and keeping silent. Agree on a phrase, for example "let's continue after Asr", so that the break does not mean running away. Use that time to make wudu', pray, walk or write down what you really feel. Come back to the discussion within 24 hours; do not let it drag on for more than three days. Spouses should also avoid pronouncing divorce in anger — the consequences are serious and must be referred to the court. See Ways of making up.
Many pronouncements of talaq, threats and insults come out in anger. The Prophet ﷺ taught changing one's position when angry and keeping silent. Agree on a phrase, for example "let's continue after Asr", so that the break does not mean running away. Use that time to make wudu', pray, walk or write down what you really feel. Come back to the discussion within 24 hours; do not let it drag on for more than three days. Spouses should also avoid pronouncing divorce in anger — the consequences are serious and must be referred to the court. See Ways of making up.
Sahih al-Bukhari 6116Surah Al 'Imran 3:134Sahih Muslim 2560
30Why does Islam place such emphasis on reconciliation before divorce?
Because marriage is a mithaqan ghaliza (a solemn covenant) and divorce has a great impact on the couple, the children and the family.
The Qur'an mentions steps towards peace repeatedly: advice (4:34), arbiters (hakam) (4:35), and "reconciliation is better" (4:128). The Prophet ﷺ told that Iblis is most pleased with the devil who succeeds in separating husband and wife (Sahih Muslim 2813). He also urged that a believer should not hate his wife: if he dislikes one trait, he will like another (Sahih Muslim 1469). Nevertheless, divorce remains permitted when the marriage can no longer be saved or there is injustice. See Nushuz & conflict.
The Qur'an mentions steps towards peace repeatedly: advice (4:34), arbiters (hakam) (4:35), and "reconciliation is better" (4:128). The Prophet ﷺ told that Iblis is most pleased with the devil who succeeds in separating husband and wife (Sahih Muslim 2813). He also urged that a believer should not hate his wife: if he dislikes one trait, he will like another (Sahih Muslim 1469). Nevertheless, divorce remains permitted when the marriage can no longer be saved or there is injustice. See Nushuz & conflict.
Surah an-Nisa' 4:21Surah an-Nisa' 4:35Surah an-Nisa' 4:128Sahih Muslim 2813Sahih Muslim 1469
31My spouse makes the same mistake over and over. Should I keep forgiving?
Forgiving is noble, but forgiving does not mean letting wrongdoing continue without change.
Allah praises those who forgive (3:134; 24:22), and the Prophet ﷺ advised looking at a spouse's other good qualities (Sahih Muslim 1469). Distinguish between ordinary weaknesses (forgetfulness, lateness, lack of romance) that call for patience, and serious repeated wrongs (violence, infidelity, failure to provide maintenance, addiction) that call for action. For serious ones, forgive in your heart but set clear conditions for change, involve a counsellor, and protect yourself and your children. Where violence is involved, safety comes first — contact the police 999, Talian Kasih 15999. See Counselling.
Allah praises those who forgive (3:134; 24:22), and the Prophet ﷺ advised looking at a spouse's other good qualities (Sahih Muslim 1469). Distinguish between ordinary weaknesses (forgetfulness, lateness, lack of romance) that call for patience, and serious repeated wrongs (violence, infidelity, failure to provide maintenance, addiction) that call for action. For serious ones, forgive in your heart but set clear conditions for change, involve a counsellor, and protect yourself and your children. Where violence is involved, safety comes first — contact the police 999, Talian Kasih 15999. See Counselling.
Surah Al 'Imran 3:134Surah an-Nur 24:22Sahih Muslim 1469
32What is an Emergency Protection Order (EPO)?
An EPO is an immediate protection order under the Domestic Violence Act 1994 issued by a Social Welfare Officer (JKM) without needing to wait for court proceedings.
It was introduced through an amendment to the Act to protect victims quickly, especially outside office hours or when the victim has not yet made a police report. An EPO is in force for a short period (7 days) and can forbid the abuser from using violence or approaching the victim. After that, the victim can proceed with an IPO or other orders. Contact Talian Kasih 15999 or the district JKM office, and 999 if in immediate danger. See Nushuz & conflict.
It was introduced through an amendment to the Act to protect victims quickly, especially outside office hours or when the victim has not yet made a police report. An EPO is in force for a short period (7 days) and can forbid the abuser from using violence or approaching the victim. After that, the victim can proceed with an IPO or other orders. Contact Talian Kasih 15999 or the district JKM office, and 999 if in immediate danger. See Nushuz & conflict.
Domestic Violence Act 1994 (Act 521), amended 2017
33What happens after I make a police report about domestic violence?
Your report will be investigated by the police, and you may be referred to the JKM and helped to apply for a protection order.
Usually: a police officer takes your statement, you are referred for a medical examination (the OSCC at a hospital), and a case is opened under the Penal Code together with the Domestic Violence Act 1994. You can ask for an IPO during the investigation and, if needed, be placed in a shelter. The report also becomes important evidence in Syariah Court claims such as fasakh, maintenance and custody (hadhanah). Making a report is not disobedience to your husband — Islam forbids injustice. Keep a copy of the police report. Help: police 999, Talian Kasih 15999. See Nushuz & conflict.
Usually: a police officer takes your statement, you are referred for a medical examination (the OSCC at a hospital), and a case is opened under the Penal Code together with the Domestic Violence Act 1994. You can ask for an IPO during the investigation and, if needed, be placed in a shelter. The report also becomes important evidence in Syariah Court claims such as fasakh, maintenance and custody (hadhanah). Making a report is not disobedience to your husband — Islam forbids injustice. Keep a copy of the police report. Help: police 999, Talian Kasih 15999. See Nushuz & conflict.
Domestic Violence Act 1994 (Act 521)Surah al-Baqarah 2:231
34What is the OSCC and how does it help victims of domestic violence?
The OSCC (One Stop Crisis Centre) is a service in government hospital emergency departments that helps victims of domestic violence, rape and abuse in an integrated way.
At the OSCC, victims receive medical treatment, injuries are recorded in a medical report (important evidence), and the hospital team can connect victims with the police, Social Welfare Officers and counsellors. You can go straight to the emergency unit and tell the staff that you are a victim of violence. Go as soon as possible after the incident so that the injuries can be recorded. For support at any time, call Talian Kasih 15999; if you are in danger, 999. See Nushuz & conflict.
At the OSCC, victims receive medical treatment, injuries are recorded in a medical report (important evidence), and the hospital team can connect victims with the police, Social Welfare Officers and counsellors. You can go straight to the emergency unit and tell the staff that you are a victim of violence. Go as soon as possible after the incident so that the injuries can be recorded. For support at any time, call Talian Kasih 15999; if you are in danger, 999. See Nushuz & conflict.
Domestic Violence Act 1994 (Act 521)
35I am a husband and my wife often hits and insults me. Is there help for men?
Ya — keganasan rumah tangga boleh berlaku kepada sesiapa sahaja, dan lelaki juga berhak mendapat perlindungan serta bantuan.
Akta Keganasan Rumah Tangga 1994 melindungi semua mangsa tanpa mengira jantina, termasuk perintah perlindungan. Islam mengharamkan kezaliman oleh mana-mana pihak, dan suami tidak perlu malu mencari pertolongan. Langkah: pastikan keselamatan, simpan bukti (gambar, laporan perubatan, mesej), buat laporan polis, dan hubungi Talian Kasih 15999. Elakkan membalas dengan kekerasan kerana ia boleh memudaratkan anda dari segi undang-undang. Kaunseling di Pejabat Agama atau Mahkamah Syariah boleh membantu menyelesaikan atau menamatkan perkahwinan dengan adil. Lihat Kaunseling.
Akta Keganasan Rumah Tangga 1994 melindungi semua mangsa tanpa mengira jantina, termasuk perintah perlindungan. Islam mengharamkan kezaliman oleh mana-mana pihak, dan suami tidak perlu malu mencari pertolongan. Langkah: pastikan keselamatan, simpan bukti (gambar, laporan perubatan, mesej), buat laporan polis, dan hubungi Talian Kasih 15999. Elakkan membalas dengan kekerasan kerana ia boleh memudaratkan anda dari segi undang-undang. Kaunseling di Pejabat Agama atau Mahkamah Syariah boleh membantu menyelesaikan atau menamatkan perkahwinan dengan adil. Lihat Kaunseling.
Akta Keganasan Rumah Tangga 1994 (Akta 521)riwayat Ibn Majah (hasan) — la darar wa la dirar
36What is the ruling on a husband who constantly swears at and insults his wife?
Swearing at and insulting one's wife is forbidden and contrary to the command to live together honourably.
Allah says: "And live with them in kindness" (4:19). In the hadith on the rights of the wife, the Prophet ﷺ forbade a husband to strike the face or to revile his wife (narrated by Abu Dawud, hasan sahih), and stressed that the best of people are those who are best to their wives (Jami' at-Tirmidhi 1162). Constant insults can also count as emotional abuse under Malaysian law. A wife may remind him calmly, ask for counselling, and if it continues, complain to the Religious Affairs Office or the Syariah Court; mistreatment can also be a basis for fasakh. See Nushuz & conflict.
Allah says: "And live with them in kindness" (4:19). In the hadith on the rights of the wife, the Prophet ﷺ forbade a husband to strike the face or to revile his wife (narrated by Abu Dawud, hasan sahih), and stressed that the best of people are those who are best to their wives (Jami' at-Tirmidhi 1162). Constant insults can also count as emotional abuse under Malaysian law. A wife may remind him calmly, ask for counselling, and if it continues, complain to the Religious Affairs Office or the Syariah Court; mistreatment can also be a basis for fasakh. See Nushuz & conflict.
Surah an-Nisa' 4:19narrated by Abu Dawud (hasan sahih) — the rights of the wifeJami' at-Tirmidhi 1162 (hasan sahih)Domestic Violence Act 1994 (Act 521)
37My husband threw me out of the house during a quarrel. What are my rights?
Suami wajib menyediakan tempat tinggal kepada isteri, dan menghalau isteri tanpa hak adalah satu kezaliman.
Tempat tinggal ialah sebahagian daripada nafkah yang wajib (65:6), dan Allah melarang menahan atau memperlakukan isteri dengan tujuan memudaratkan (2:231). Isteri yang dihalau tidak dikira nusyuz dan hak nafkahnya kekal. Jika selamat, cuba tenangkan keadaan dan minta orang tengah. Jika anda dihalau dan tiada tempat, pergi ke rumah keluarga atau rumah perlindungan, buat laporan polis untuk rekod, dan hubungi Talian Kasih 15999. Mahkamah Syariah boleh memerintahkan nafkah termasuk tempat tinggal. Lihat Nafkah dan Nusyuz & konflik.
Tempat tinggal ialah sebahagian daripada nafkah yang wajib (65:6), dan Allah melarang menahan atau memperlakukan isteri dengan tujuan memudaratkan (2:231). Isteri yang dihalau tidak dikira nusyuz dan hak nafkahnya kekal. Jika selamat, cuba tenangkan keadaan dan minta orang tengah. Jika anda dihalau dan tiada tempat, pergi ke rumah keluarga atau rumah perlindungan, buat laporan polis untuk rekod, dan hubungi Talian Kasih 15999. Mahkamah Syariah boleh memerintahkan nafkah termasuk tempat tinggal. Lihat Nafkah dan Nusyuz & konflik.
Surah at-Talaq 65:6Surah al-Baqarah 2:231Surah an-Nisa' 4:19
38A wife sulks and goes back to her parents' home without permission. Is she guilty of nushuz (marital defiance)?
Not necessarily — it depends on the reason and the duration; leaving out of fear, mistreatment or because no maintenance is given is not nushuz.
From the fiqh standpoint, a wife who leaves the house without permission and without a Shariah reason may be counted as guilty of nushuz. But before applying the label, the husband needs to ask: why did she leave? Often sulking is a sign of a hurt that has not been heard. The sunnah approach is to coax her gently, invite her home, and resolve the cause. Ali r.a. and Fatimah r.a. once had a disagreement, and the Prophet ﷺ coaxed Ali with an affectionate joke, "get up, O Abu Turab" (narrated by al-Bukhari). If it drags on, involve both families as arbiters (hakam). Determining nushuz for the purpose of maintenance is done by the Syariah Court. See Approaches to persuasion.
From the fiqh standpoint, a wife who leaves the house without permission and without a Shariah reason may be counted as guilty of nushuz. But before applying the label, the husband needs to ask: why did she leave? Often sulking is a sign of a hurt that has not been heard. The sunnah approach is to coax her gently, invite her home, and resolve the cause. Ali r.a. and Fatimah r.a. once had a disagreement, and the Prophet ﷺ coaxed Ali with an affectionate joke, "get up, O Abu Turab" (narrated by al-Bukhari). If it drags on, involve both families as arbiters (hakam). Determining nushuz for the purpose of maintenance is done by the Syariah Court. See Approaches to persuasion.
Surah an-Nisa' 4:34Surah an-Nisa' 4:35narrated by al-Bukhari — the account of Abu Turab
39What is the Conciliatory Committee (Jawatankuasa Pendamai) in a divorce application?
The Conciliatory Committee is a committee appointed by the court to try to reconcile husband and wife when one party does not agree to the divorce application.
In the Federal Territories, it is provided for in s.47 of Act 303; other states have similar provisions in their own Enactments. The committee is usually made up of a religious officer as chair and representatives of the husband and wife, preferably close relatives. They are given a set period to seek reconciliation; if they fail, the committee informs the court and the application proceeds. This process puts into practice the spirit of an-Nisa' 4:35. See Nushuz & conflict and Talaq & divorce.
In the Federal Territories, it is provided for in s.47 of Act 303; other states have similar provisions in their own Enactments. The committee is usually made up of a religious officer as chair and representatives of the husband and wife, preferably close relatives. They are given a set period to seek reconciliation; if they fail, the committee informs the court and the application proceeds. This process puts into practice the spirit of an-Nisa' 4:35. See Nushuz & conflict and Talaq & divorce.
Act 303, s.47Surah an-Nisa' 4:35
40We are always quarrelling about money. How do we resolve it in line with Islam?
First be clear about who is responsible for what: family maintenance is obligatory on the husband, while the wife's property and income are her own.
Many conflicts stem from expectations that were never discussed. Sit together and list income, basic maintenance, debts and savings. The husband provides maintenance according to his means (65:7); the wife is not obliged to contribute, but if she willingly helps, that is charity with great reward — and it is best recorded if it is treated as a loan. Avoid secret spending or taking on debt without discussing it. In polygyny, spending on each wife must be fair and transparent. Use the Calculator to plan a budget, and see Maintenance (nafkah) and Two-Household Finances for polygynous families.
Many conflicts stem from expectations that were never discussed. Sit together and list income, basic maintenance, debts and savings. The husband provides maintenance according to his means (65:7); the wife is not obliged to contribute, but if she willingly helps, that is charity with great reward — and it is best recorded if it is treated as a loan. Avoid secret spending or taking on debt without discussing it. In polygyny, spending on each wife must be fair and transparent. Use the Calculator to plan a budget, and see Maintenance (nafkah) and Two-Household Finances for polygynous families.
Surah at-Talaq 65:7Surah an-Nisa' 4:34Surah an-Nisa' 4:4Surah al-Baqarah 2:282
41When should a marital conflict end in separation?
When all efforts at reconciliation have failed, or there is serious wrongdoing such as violence, separating on good terms is permitted and sometimes better.
The Qur'an says: "retain them honourably or release them kindly" (2:229), and forbids keeping a wife in order to harm her (2:231). The Prophet ﷺ allowed the wife of Thabit bin Qais to redeem herself by khulʿ because she could not live with him (Sahih al-Bukhari 5273). The route depends on the party: the husband may apply for talaq; the wife may apply for khulʿ (redemption divorce), fasakh on specific grounds, or divorce by taʿliq. All go through the Syariah Court. A wife who asks for divorce without reason is censured in the hadith, but when there is harm, it is her right. See Talaq & divorce.
The Qur'an says: "retain them honourably or release them kindly" (2:229), and forbids keeping a wife in order to harm her (2:231). The Prophet ﷺ allowed the wife of Thabit bin Qais to redeem herself by khulʿ because she could not live with him (Sahih al-Bukhari 5273). The route depends on the party: the husband may apply for talaq; the wife may apply for khulʿ (redemption divorce), fasakh on specific grounds, or divorce by taʿliq. All go through the Syariah Court. A wife who asks for divorce without reason is censured in the hadith, but when there is harm, it is her right. See Talaq & divorce.
Surah al-Baqarah 2:229Surah al-Baqarah 2:231Sahih al-Bukhari 5273Act 303, s.47Act 303, s.52
42My wife often contradicts and argues with me. Is that nushuz (marital defiance)?
No — differing in opinion and arguing respectfully is not nushuz; the Prophet's ﷺ own wives answered back to him.
Umar r.a. was once taken aback when his wife answered him back, and she replied that the Prophet's ﷺ wives did the same (narrated by al-Bukhari & Muslim). The Prophet ﷺ dealt with differences of opinion patiently. Nushuz is refusing to fulfil obligations without a Shariah reason, not voicing an opinion. A good husband listens, because a wife often sees what the husband does not — Ummu Salamah r.a. gave the Prophet ﷺ sound advice at Hudaibiyah. Even so, both sides must keep good manners: no insults or shouting. See Rights of husband & wife.
Umar r.a. was once taken aback when his wife answered him back, and she replied that the Prophet's ﷺ wives did the same (narrated by al-Bukhari & Muslim). The Prophet ﷺ dealt with differences of opinion patiently. Nushuz is refusing to fulfil obligations without a Shariah reason, not voicing an opinion. A good husband listens, because a wife often sees what the husband does not — Ummu Salamah r.a. gave the Prophet ﷺ sound advice at Hudaibiyah. Even so, both sides must keep good manners: no insults or shouting. See Rights of husband & wife.
Surah al-Baqarah 2:228narrated by al-Bukhari & Muslim — the account of Umar and his wifeSurah ash-Shura 42:38
43My spouse is addicted to drugs or gambling. What can I do?
Put the safety of yourself, your children and the family's finances first, while encouraging your spouse to get treatment.
Alcohol, gambling and drugs are forbidden and destructive (5:90), and addiction is an illness that needs treatment, not just advice. Steps: protect the family's money (separate accounts), do not take on their gambling debts, get help from the National Anti-Drug Agency (AADK) or an addiction specialist, and join family counselling. If addiction leads to violence or neglect of maintenance, make a police report and contact Talian Kasih 15999. The Syariah Court can deal with maintenance claims and, in certain circumstances, judicial dissolution (fasakh). See Counselling and Nushuz & conflict.
Alcohol, gambling and drugs are forbidden and destructive (5:90), and addiction is an illness that needs treatment, not just advice. Steps: protect the family's money (separate accounts), do not take on their gambling debts, get help from the National Anti-Drug Agency (AADK) or an addiction specialist, and join family counselling. If addiction leads to violence or neglect of maintenance, make a police report and contact Talian Kasih 15999. The Syariah Court can deal with maintenance claims and, in certain circumstances, judicial dissolution (fasakh). See Counselling and Nushuz & conflict.
Surah al-Ma'idah 5:90Surah al-Baqarah 2:195narrated by Ibn Majah (hasan) — la darar wa la dirar
44How do I keep evidence of abuse and plan for safety?
Record every incident safely and prepare a safety plan before the situation becomes an emergency.
Useful evidence: dated photos of injuries, medical reports (OSCC), copies of police reports, screenshots of messages or threats, notes of the dates and times of incidents, and the names of witnesses. Keep copies where the abuser cannot reach them — a personal email or with someone you trust. Safety plan: prepare a bag with your IC, marriage certificate, children's birth certificates, medicine, money and phone; memorise important numbers; identify a safe place; and agree a "code word" with a neighbour or family member. Contact the police 999, Talian Kasih 15999 or JKM for a shelter. This evidence also matters in the Syariah Court. See Nushuz & conflict.
Useful evidence: dated photos of injuries, medical reports (OSCC), copies of police reports, screenshots of messages or threats, notes of the dates and times of incidents, and the names of witnesses. Keep copies where the abuser cannot reach them — a personal email or with someone you trust. Safety plan: prepare a bag with your IC, marriage certificate, children's birth certificates, medicine, money and phone; memorise important numbers; identify a safe place; and agree a "code word" with a neighbour or family member. Contact the police 999, Talian Kasih 15999 or JKM for a shelter. This evidence also matters in the Syariah Court. See Nushuz & conflict.
Domestic Violence Act 1994 (Act 521)Surah al-Baqarah 2:195
45My husband keeps threatening to divorce me every time we quarrel. What should I do?
Repeated threats of divorce are a form of emotional pressure that does not fit Islamic character, and must be dealt with seriously.
Talaq is not a tool for frightening; Allah warns against making His verses a jest (2:231). Persistent threats can count as emotional abuse under Malaysian law. At a calm moment, tell him the effect the threats have on you, and ask him to promise not to use them again. If words of talaq have actually been uttered, do not decide for yourself whether it has taken effect — refer to the Syariah Court or the religious affairs office for confirmation, as it depends on the words used and the intention. Get counselling, and see Talaq & divorce.
Talaq is not a tool for frightening; Allah warns against making His verses a jest (2:231). Persistent threats can count as emotional abuse under Malaysian law. At a calm moment, tell him the effect the threats have on you, and ask him to promise not to use them again. If words of talaq have actually been uttered, do not decide for yourself whether it has taken effect — refer to the Syariah Court or the religious affairs office for confirmation, as it depends on the words used and the intention. Get counselling, and see Talaq & divorce.
Surah al-Baqarah 2:231Act 303, s.47Domestic Violence Act 1994 (Act 521)
46My child saw their father hitting me. What is the effect and what should be done?
A child who witnesses domestic violence is also a victim, and protection and emotional support for them are as important as your own safety.
Research shows that such children are at risk of anxiety, sleep problems, depression and repeating the pattern of violence. Steps: ensure safety (call the police 999, Talian Kasih 15999), explain to the child in simple language that it is not their fault, keep up routines, and get child counselling through a hospital, the JKM or the school. Protection orders under the Domestic Violence Act 1994 can cover the children. In the Syariah Court, the child's safety is a primary consideration in custody (hadhanah). See Children and Nushuz & conflict.
Research shows that such children are at risk of anxiety, sleep problems, depression and repeating the pattern of violence. Steps: ensure safety (call the police 999, Talian Kasih 15999), explain to the child in simple language that it is not their fault, keep up routines, and get child counselling through a hospital, the JKM or the school. Protection orders under the Domestic Violence Act 1994 can cover the children. In the Syariah Court, the child's safety is a primary consideration in custody (hadhanah). See Children and Nushuz & conflict.
Domestic Violence Act 1994 (Act 521)Sahih al-Bukhari 893Surah at-Tahrim 66:6
47My spouse is so jealous that they control my every movement. Is that normal?
Moderate jealousy is natural, but jealousy that controls, spies on and isolates a spouse is unhealthy and can be emotional abuse.
Scholars distinguish praiseworthy jealousy (guarding honour against what is truly forbidden) from blameworthy jealousy (based on groundless suspicion). The Qur'an forbids suspicion and spying (49:12). Warning signs: checking the phone constantly, preventing meetings with family and friends, controlling all the money, threats or violence. Discuss it calmly and suggest counselling; extreme jealousy often stems from anxiety or old trauma. If there are threats or violence, call the police 999, Talian Kasih 15999. See Counselling.
Scholars distinguish praiseworthy jealousy (guarding honour against what is truly forbidden) from blameworthy jealousy (based on groundless suspicion). The Qur'an forbids suspicion and spying (49:12). Warning signs: checking the phone constantly, preventing meetings with family and friends, controlling all the money, threats or violence. Discuss it calmly and suggest counselling; extreme jealousy often stems from anxiety or old trauma. If there are threats or violence, call the police 999, Talian Kasih 15999. See Counselling.
Surah al-Hujurat 49:12Domestic Violence Act 1994 (Act 521)
48What does syiqaq mean in Islamic family law?
Shiqaq is a prolonged and serious dispute between husband and wife that makes living together difficult, and it is the term used in an-Nisa' 4:35.
The verse begins: "And if you fear a breach (shiqaq) between the two, then appoint an arbiter (hakam) from his family and an arbiter from her family." In Malaysia, when the court finds that shiqaq is continuing, it can appoint arbiters (hakam) under the state enactment. Shiqaq differs from nushuz: nushuz usually refers to one particular party who is defiant, whereas shiqaq is a two-way conflict where it is unclear who is the cause. The resolution begins with sulh and hakam. See Nushuz & conflict and Talaq & divorce.
The verse begins: "And if you fear a breach (shiqaq) between the two, then appoint an arbiter (hakam) from his family and an arbiter from her family." In Malaysia, when the court finds that shiqaq is continuing, it can appoint arbiters (hakam) under the state enactment. Shiqaq differs from nushuz: nushuz usually refers to one particular party who is defiant, whereas shiqaq is a two-way conflict where it is unclear who is the cause. The resolution begins with sulh and hakam. See Nushuz & conflict and Talaq & divorce.
Surah an-Nisa' 4:35State Islamic Family Law Enactment (hakam provisions)
49Should I agree to sulh (reconciliation) if my husband has abused me?
You do not have to face or reconcile with an abuser; your safety comes first and you can ask for a safe procedure.
The principle of sulh (mediation) in Islam is a just reconciliation (4:128), not forcing a victim to accept injustice. The principle la darar wa la dirar puts preventing harm first. Tell the Sulh Officer or the court about the history of violence, and show the police report or protection order; you can ask for separate sessions, for a lawyer to be present, or to go straight to a hearing. An agreement made under fear does not reflect true consent. For immediate help: police 999, Talian Kasih 15999. See Nushuz & conflict and Women's Rights.
The principle of sulh (mediation) in Islam is a just reconciliation (4:128), not forcing a victim to accept injustice. The principle la darar wa la dirar puts preventing harm first. Tell the Sulh Officer or the court about the history of violence, and show the police report or protection order; you can ask for separate sessions, for a lawyer to be present, or to go straight to a hearing. An agreement made under fear does not reflect true consent. For immediate help: police 999, Talian Kasih 15999. See Nushuz & conflict and Women's Rights.
Surah an-Nisa' 4:128narrated by Ibn Majah (hasan) — la darar wa la dirarDomestic Violence Act 1994 (Act 521)
50I am being abused but am afraid to divorce because of the children and finances. What are my options?
Anda ada pilihan dan sokongan — keselamatan boleh dicapai tanpa terus membuat keputusan bercerai, dan undang-undang melindungi hak nafkah serta hadhanah anda.
Langkah pertama: perlindungan. Hubungi polis 999, Talian Kasih 15999; JKM boleh mengeluarkan perintah perlindungan kecemasan dan menyediakan rumah perlindungan. Seterusnya, Mahkamah Syariah boleh memerintahkan nafkah isteri dan anak, dan anak kecil lazimnya di bawah jagaan ibu jika ibu layak. Bantuan Guaman (Biro Bantuan Guaman) dan NGO boleh membantu kos peguam. Islam tidak menuntut isteri bersabar dengan penderaan (Sahih Muslim 2328 menunjukkan Nabi ﷺ tidak pernah memukul isteri). Ambil masa, tetapi jangan bersendirian. Lihat Nusyuz & konflik, Nafkah dan Hadhanah & nasab.
Langkah pertama: perlindungan. Hubungi polis 999, Talian Kasih 15999; JKM boleh mengeluarkan perintah perlindungan kecemasan dan menyediakan rumah perlindungan. Seterusnya, Mahkamah Syariah boleh memerintahkan nafkah isteri dan anak, dan anak kecil lazimnya di bawah jagaan ibu jika ibu layak. Bantuan Guaman (Biro Bantuan Guaman) dan NGO boleh membantu kos peguam. Islam tidak menuntut isteri bersabar dengan penderaan (Sahih Muslim 2328 menunjukkan Nabi ﷺ tidak pernah memukul isteri). Ambil masa, tetapi jangan bersendirian. Lihat Nusyuz & konflik, Nafkah dan Hadhanah & nasab.
Akta Keganasan Rumah Tangga 1994 (Akta 521)Sahih Muslim 2328Surah al-Baqarah 2:231
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