Q&A › Preparing & choosing a spouse
🧭 Q&A · 66 questions
Preparation & choosing a spouse
Intention, readiness, kafa'ah, istikharah. Arranged by the most frequently asked questions.
🧭 Preparation & choosing a spouse💍 Khitbah & engagement📜 The marriage contract (akad nikah)🏡 Rights & responsibilities🕌 Worship in the home🤍 Character & conduct between spouses🧒 Raising children (tarbiyah)💰 Family finances⚖️ Polygyny: rulings & justice🏛️ Polygyny: the law🤝 Existing wife & prospective wife🕊️ Conflict & resolution🚪 Divorce, ʿiddah & rujuk🌍 Children, inheritance & global🧭 Regional & the Middle East
1What is the ruling on marriage in Islam? Obligatory or recommended?
The basic ruling on marriage is that it is recommended (sunat) for those who desire it and are able, but the ruling can change according to the individual's circumstances.
Allah commands that the unmarried among you be married (an-Nur 24:32), and the Prophet ﷺ called marriage his sunnah and censured whoever disliked it. Scholars divide the ruling on marriage into five: obligatory for one who is able and fears falling into zina; recommended for one who desires it and is able; disliked (makruh) for one who has no desire and cannot bear the cost of maintenance; forbidden (haram) for one who is certain he will wrong his spouse; and permissible for everyone else. This assessment is personal — look at your own circumstances, ability to provide maintenance and readiness to shoulder responsibility. Further explanation is on the Rulings page.
Allah commands that the unmarried among you be married (an-Nur 24:32), and the Prophet ﷺ called marriage his sunnah and censured whoever disliked it. Scholars divide the ruling on marriage into five: obligatory for one who is able and fears falling into zina; recommended for one who desires it and is able; disliked (makruh) for one who has no desire and cannot bear the cost of maintenance; forbidden (haram) for one who is certain he will wrong his spouse; and permissible for everyone else. This assessment is personal — look at your own circumstances, ability to provide maintenance and readiness to shoulder responsibility. Further explanation is on the Rulings page.
Differences between the schools. The Hanafi, Maliki and Hanbali schools stress that marriage is obligatory for one who is able and fears zina; in the Shafi'i school it is basically recommended for one who has the need, but many Shafi'i scholars also make it obligatory if zina cannot be avoided except by marrying.
Surah an-Nur 24:32Sahih al-Bukhari 5063Sahih Muslim, Kitab an-Nikah
2When is marriage obligatory for a person?
Marriage becomes obligatory when a person is able, financially and physically, to provide maintenance and fears falling into zina if he does not marry.
The Prophet ﷺ advised the young: whoever is able (al-ba'ah) should marry, for it lowers the gaze better and guards chastity; whoever is not able should fast. Guarding oneself from zina is obligatory, and whatever leads to an obligation is also required. However, if a person cannot yet bear the cost of maintenance, he is told to preserve his chastity (an-Nur 24:33) while striving. If you are in this situation, discuss it with your family and use the cost calculator to plan.
The Prophet ﷺ advised the young: whoever is able (al-ba'ah) should marry, for it lowers the gaze better and guards chastity; whoever is not able should fast. Guarding oneself from zina is obligatory, and whatever leads to an obligation is also required. However, if a person cannot yet bear the cost of maintenance, he is told to preserve his chastity (an-Nur 24:33) while striving. If you are in this situation, discuss it with your family and use the cost calculator to plan.
Differences between the schools. The Hanafi, Maliki and Hanbali schools state clearly that marriage is obligatory for one who fears zina and is able; the Shafi'i school keeps the basic ruling of recommended but makes it obligatory when zina cannot be avoided without marriage.
Sahih al-Bukhari 5066Sahih Muslim, Kitab an-NikahSurah an-Nur 24:33
5What does kafa'ah (compatibility) in marriage mean?
Kafa'ah means compatibility between the prospective husband and wife in certain respects, so that the marriage is more harmonious and does not shame the woman or her wali.
In the Shafi'i school, the aspects considered are religion and piety, lineage, free status, occupation, and freedom from defects that allow fasakh. Kafa'ah is a right of the woman and her wali, not a condition of validity of the marriage — if both are content, the marriage is valid even if they are not equals. Islam stresses that true honour is piety (al-Hujurat 49:13), so religion is the most important aspect. See kafa'ah and the marriage wali.
In the Shafi'i school, the aspects considered are religion and piety, lineage, free status, occupation, and freedom from defects that allow fasakh. Kafa'ah is a right of the woman and her wali, not a condition of validity of the marriage — if both are content, the marriage is valid even if they are not equals. Islam stresses that true honour is piety (al-Hujurat 49:13), so religion is the most important aspect. See kafa'ah and the marriage wali.
Differences between the schools. The Maliki school stresses only religion and freedom from defects; the Hanafi and Hanbali schools also take wealth and occupation into account; the Shafi'i school does not count wealth as an element of kafa'ah according to the authoritative view.
Surah al-Hujurat 49:13narrated by at-Tirmidhi (hasan)
6What are the signs that an istikharah for a spouse has been answered? Must I wait for a dream?
There is no requirement to dream; the answer to istikharah is usually seen in whether the matter is made easy or blocked .
The istikharah supplication itself asks: if this matter is good, decree it and make it easy; if it is bad, turn it away from me and me from it. So after istikharah, carry on with your efforts as usual — if things go smoothly and the heart is at peace, that is a good sign; if it is blocked, accept it with contentment. Dreams may happen but they are not a required measure and cannot override the considerations of the Shariah and reason. Remember, sometimes we dislike a thing while it is good for us (al-Baqarah 2:216). Nor should istikharah be made an excuse to reject a good candidate without reasonable cause.
The istikharah supplication itself asks: if this matter is good, decree it and make it easy; if it is bad, turn it away from me and me from it. So after istikharah, carry on with your efforts as usual — if things go smoothly and the heart is at peace, that is a good sign; if it is blocked, accept it with contentment. Dreams may happen but they are not a required measure and cannot override the considerations of the Shariah and reason. Remember, sometimes we dislike a thing while it is good for us (al-Baqarah 2:216). Nor should istikharah be made an excuse to reject a good candidate without reasonable cause.
Sahih al-Bukhari 1166Surah al-Baqarah 2:216
7Is a pre-marriage course compulsory before marrying in Malaysia?
Yes, in Malaysia a certificate of the Islamic Pre-Marriage Course is usually required by the state religious department before a marriage application is approved.
The course usually runs for about two days using an integrated module coordinated by JAKIM, and is run by the state religious department or accredited organisers. Topics cover the fiqh of marriage, the responsibilities of husband and wife, communication, financial management, health and family law. Although it is not a pillar of marriage in the Shariah, it is an administrative requirement intended to prepare couples. The course can be attended early, even before one has a prospective spouse. Current details and requirements vary by state — check the State page or Procedure.
The course usually runs for about two days using an integrated module coordinated by JAKIM, and is run by the state religious department or accredited organisers. Topics cover the fiqh of marriage, the responsibilities of husband and wife, communication, financial management, health and family law. Although it is not a pillar of marriage in the Shariah, it is an administrative requirement intended to prepare couples. The course can be attended early, even before one has a prospective spouse. Current details and requirements vary by state — check the State page or Procedure.
Integrated Module of the Islamic Pre-Marriage Course (JAKIM)refer to the state Enactment
8Is HIV screening before marriage compulsory? If positive, can one not marry?
Pre-marriage HIV screening is made compulsory by the state religious departments for Muslim couples in Malaysia, but a positive result does not automatically prevent the marriage.
Its purpose is to protect the couple and future children and to allow early treatment. If the result is positive, the health authorities will provide counselling, and the decision to proceed with the marriage is made by the couple themselves with full knowledge. Hiding a serious infectious disease from a prospective spouse is forbidden deception, because Islam rejects harm to oneself and others (al-Baqarah 2:195). The procedure and designated clinics differ by state — refer to the States page.
Its purpose is to protect the couple and future children and to allow early treatment. If the result is positive, the health authorities will provide counselling, and the decision to proceed with the marriage is made by the couple themselves with full knowledge. Hiding a serious infectious disease from a prospective spouse is forbidden deception, because Islam rejects harm to oneself and others (al-Baqarah 2:195). The procedure and designated clinics differ by state — refer to the States page.
Surah al-Baqarah 2:195narrated by Ibn Majah (hasan) — la darar wa la dirarconsult the state enactment
9What is the minimum age for Muslims to marry in Malaysia?
For Muslims in Malaysia, the minimum age is usually 18 for men and 16 for women; below that age requires the permission of a Syariah Judge. In Selangor, since 18 March 2019 the minimum age has been 18 for both men and women (Enactment A56, which amends s.8 of the 2003 Enactment).
The Shariah itself sets no particular age, but stresses maturity (rushd) and the ability to bear responsibility (4:6), while the authorities have the right to set limits for the public good (4:59). State Islamic family laws set these age limits as a protective measure, and several states have tightened or are tightening the conditions for underage marriage. The court will assess the applicant's maturity, health, schooling and welfare. Because provisions differ between states and can be amended, please consult your state enactment or States page.
The Shariah itself sets no particular age, but stresses maturity (rushd) and the ability to bear responsibility (4:6), while the authorities have the right to set limits for the public good (4:59). State Islamic family laws set these age limits as a protective measure, and several states have tightened or are tightening the conditions for underage marriage. The court will assess the applicant's maturity, health, schooling and welfare. Because provisions differ between states and can be amended, please consult your state enactment or States page.
10How much money should be saved before getting married?
There is no fixed amount in the Shariah; the only obligations are the mahr (dower) and the ability to provide maintenance (nafkah), while the cost of the reception depends on custom and choice.
Plan three parts: (1) marriage costs — mahr, registration fees, course and screening; (2) reception costs — walimah, hantaran (custom, not obligatory); (3) costs of starting life together — rent, deposit, basic furniture and emergency savings of at least 3–6 months' expenses. The Prophet ﷺ encouraged moderation; the best marriage is the easiest. Avoid large debts for the sake of the reception. Use the calculator and the mahr & hantaran guide to estimate.
Plan three parts: (1) marriage costs — mahr, registration fees, course and screening; (2) reception costs — walimah, hantaran (custom, not obligatory); (3) costs of starting life together — rent, deposit, basic furniture and emergency savings of at least 3–6 months' expenses. The Prophet ﷺ encouraged moderation; the best marriage is the easiest. Avoid large debts for the sake of the reception. Use the calculator and the mahr & hantaran guide to estimate.
Surah an-Nisa' 4:4narrated by Abu Dawud (sahih) — khair an-nikah aysaruhSurah al-Isra' 17:26–27
11How do I know I am ready to marry?
You can be considered ready when you have the capacity (al-ba'ah) in knowledge, emotions, physical health and finances to bear the responsibilities of a household.
Ask yourself: Do I understand the rights and responsibilities of husband and wife? Can I provide basic maintenance (or, for women, am I prepared for my role and rights)? Can I control my anger, compromise and apologise? Am I free of addictions or burdensome debts? Has the family been told? Being ready does not mean being perfect; it means being willing to learn and to take responsibility. The Prophet ﷺ linked the command to marry with having the capacity. See the Guide for the full checklist.
Ask yourself: Do I understand the rights and responsibilities of husband and wife? Can I provide basic maintenance (or, for women, am I prepared for my role and rights)? Can I control my anger, compromise and apologise? Am I free of addictions or burdensome debts? Has the family been told? Being ready does not mean being perfect; it means being willing to learn and to take responsibility. The Prophet ﷺ linked the command to marry with having the capacity. See the Guide for the full checklist.
Sahih al-Bukhari 5066Sahih Muslim, Kitab an-NikahSurah at-Tahrim 66:6
12What is the right intention when wanting to marry?
The best intention is to marry for the sake of Allah: to guard one's chastity, follow the sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ, build a Muslim family and raise righteous offspring.
Every deed is judged by its intention; the hadith on intention itself mentions that one who emigrated for a woman he wished to marry gets only what he intended. So a marriage with a good intention becomes worship — indeed maintenance and kindness to one's spouse are rewarded. Other intentions such as love and a comfortable life are not wrong, but keep them in line with the goal of the Hereafter. Renew your intention throughout the marriage, not only at the contract. Allah made marriage a source of tranquillity, love and mercy (ar-Rum 30:21).
Every deed is judged by its intention; the hadith on intention itself mentions that one who emigrated for a woman he wished to marry gets only what he intended. So a marriage with a good intention becomes worship — indeed maintenance and kindness to one's spouse are rewarded. Other intentions such as love and a comfortable life are not wrong, but keep them in line with the goal of the Hereafter. Renew your intention throughout the marriage, not only at the contract. Allah made marriage a source of tranquillity, love and mercy (ar-Rum 30:21).
Sahih al-Bukhari 1Sahih Muslim, Kitab al-ImarahSurah ar-Rum 30:21
13I want to marry but cannot yet afford it. What should I do?
If you are not yet able, Islam tells you to preserve your chastity, fast, and strive to improve your means until Allah opens the way.
Allah says: let those who cannot yet marry keep themselves chaste until Allah enriches them (an-Nur 24:33). The Prophet ﷺ recommended fasting because it is a shield. Practical steps: set a savings target, improve your skills or income, attend the pre-marriage course early, and talk with your family — sometimes the family is willing to help, or a prospective spouse will accept a modest start. Stay away from mixing and content that arouse desire (an-Nur 24:30). Scholars also mention that one who marries to protect his chastity is promised Allah's help.
Allah says: let those who cannot yet marry keep themselves chaste until Allah enriches them (an-Nur 24:33). The Prophet ﷺ recommended fasting because it is a shield. Practical steps: set a savings target, improve your skills or income, attend the pre-marriage course early, and talk with your family — sometimes the family is willing to help, or a prospective spouse will accept a modest start. Stay away from mixing and content that arouse desire (an-Nur 24:30). Scholars also mention that one who marries to protect his chastity is promised Allah's help.
Surah an-Nur 24:33Sahih al-Bukhari 5066Surah an-Nur 24:30
14What knowledge must be learned before marrying?
Before marrying, a person must know the personal religious obligation (fardu ain) knowledge relating to the married life they are about to enter.
This includes: (1) the ruling on marriage, its pillars and conditions; (2) the rights and responsibilities of husband and wife, including maintenance (nafkah); (3) the fiqh of purification — the obligatory bath, menstruation, postnatal bleeding and irregular bleeding; (4) the etiquette of marital intimacy; (5) the basics of talaq, reconciliation (rujuk) and ʿiddah, so that talaq is not pronounced carelessly; (6) the basics of raising children. Seeking knowledge is an obligation on every Muslim, and this knowledge is the basis for carrying out the command to protect oneself and one's family from the Fire (at-Tahrim 66:6). Begin with Marriage Basics and Rights of husband & wife.
This includes: (1) the ruling on marriage, its pillars and conditions; (2) the rights and responsibilities of husband and wife, including maintenance (nafkah); (3) the fiqh of purification — the obligatory bath, menstruation, postnatal bleeding and irregular bleeding; (4) the etiquette of marital intimacy; (5) the basics of talaq, reconciliation (rujuk) and ʿiddah, so that talaq is not pronounced carelessly; (6) the basics of raising children. Seeking knowledge is an obligation on every Muslim, and this knowledge is the basis for carrying out the command to protect oneself and one's family from the Fire (at-Tahrim 66:6). Begin with Marriage Basics and Rights of husband & wife.
Sunan Ibn Majah 224 (the first sentence graded sahih by al-Albani; the full report is da'if)Surah at-Tahrim 66:6
15Can I marry without my parents' blessing?
For a woman, the consent of her wali (guardian) (usually her father) is a condition of a valid marriage in the Shafi'i school; for a man, his parents' blessing is not a condition of validity but is strongly encouraged as an act of devotion to them.
Strive to gain their blessing tactfully: understand the reasons for their objection, involve a go-between or a respected relative, and show that the candidate is ready. If a father rejects a compatible candidate without a Shariah-recognised reason, the woman may apply for a wali hakim (judge as guardian) through the Syariah Court — not marry secretly or abroad without permission. Remember, obedience and kindness to parents is a command of Allah (al-Isra' 17:23). Procedural details are in Marriage guardian.
Strive to gain their blessing tactfully: understand the reasons for their objection, involve a go-between or a respected relative, and show that the candidate is ready. If a father rejects a compatible candidate without a Shariah-recognised reason, the woman may apply for a wali hakim (judge as guardian) through the Syariah Court — not marry secretly or abroad without permission. Remember, obedience and kindness to parents is a command of Allah (al-Isra' 17:23). Procedural details are in Marriage guardian.
Differences between the schools. The Hanafi school allows an adult woman of sound mind to marry herself to a compatible partner without a wali, but the law in Malaysia follows the Shafi'i school, which requires a wali.
Surah al-Isra' 17:23narrated by Abu Dawud and at-Tirmidhi (sahih) — la nikaha illa bi walirefer to the state enactment
16My parents are forcing me to marry someone of their choosing. What is the ruling?
Islam requires the willing consent of the bride and groom; a woman may not be married off without her consent, and a child does not sin by declining a candidate in a good manner.
The Prophet ﷺ said a previously married woman is not to be married until her opinion is sought, and a virgin not until her permission is sought. In the Shafi'i school, a father or grandfather (wali mujbir) may in theory marry off a virgin daughter without her permission, but only under strict conditions such as there being no enmity and the candidate being compatible; scholars still urge that her permission be sought. Islamic family law in Malaysia requires the consent of both parties. Explain your position politely, allow a chance to get to know the candidate, and seek counselling if the pressure continues.
The Prophet ﷺ said a previously married woman is not to be married until her opinion is sought, and a virgin not until her permission is sought. In the Shafi'i school, a father or grandfather (wali mujbir) may in theory marry off a virgin daughter without her permission, but only under strict conditions such as there being no enmity and the candidate being compatible; scholars still urge that her permission be sought. Islamic family law in Malaysia requires the consent of both parties. Explain your position politely, allow a chance to get to know the candidate, and seek counselling if the pressure continues.
Differences between the schools. The Hanafi school does not recognise compulsion (ijbar) over an adult woman; the Shafi'i, Maliki and Hanbali schools allow a father to give a virgin daughter in marriage (ijbar) under certain conditions, while still encouraging him to ask her permission.
Sahih al-Bukhari 5136Sahih Muslim, Kitab an-NikahSurah al-Isra' 17:23
17Is it wrong to choose a spouse for their looks?
It is not wrong to take looks into account, because they are among the reasons mentioned by the Prophet ﷺ, but they must not outweigh religion and character.
The hadith of the four criteria mentions beauty as one factor, and Islam encourages seeing a prospective spouse so that attraction can arise. But he advised: give priority to the one who is religious. Looks change with age, whereas character determines long-term happiness. Allah does not look at our appearance and wealth, but at our hearts and deeds. So keep a balance — make sure there is healthy attraction, but let religion, character and compatibility be the deciding factors. See Criteria.
The hadith of the four criteria mentions beauty as one factor, and Islam encourages seeing a prospective spouse so that attraction can arise. But he advised: give priority to the one who is religious. Looks change with age, whereas character determines long-term happiness. Allah does not look at our appearance and wealth, but at our hearts and deeds. So keep a balance — make sure there is healthy attraction, but let religion, character and compatibility be the deciding factors. See Criteria.
Sahih al-Bukhari 5090Sahih Muslim, Kitab ar-Radha'Sahih Muslim, Kitab al-Birr wa as-Silah wa al-Adab
18Can I marry someone much richer or much poorer than me?
Yes; a difference in financial standing does not invalidate a marriage, but it should be discussed honestly because it affects expectations of maintenance and lifestyle.
Allah promises: if they are poor, Allah will enrich them from His bounty (an-Nur 24:32). But the Prophet ﷺ also advised Fatimah bint Qais by mentioning a suitor's financial situation — showing that finances are a legitimate factor to weigh. A husband's maintenance is measured according to his means (at-Talaq 65:7). Discuss expectations about housing, spending, contributions to family and management of the wife's property before the akad. See Maintenance and Kafa'ah.
Allah promises: if they are poor, Allah will enrich them from His bounty (an-Nur 24:32). But the Prophet ﷺ also advised Fatimah bint Qais by mentioning a suitor's financial situation — showing that finances are a legitimate factor to weigh. A husband's maintenance is measured according to his means (at-Talaq 65:7). Discuss expectations about housing, spending, contributions to family and management of the wife's property before the akad. See Maintenance and Kafa'ah.
Difference between schools. The Hanafis and Hanbalis count wealth as part of kafa'ah (compatibility); the Shafi'is (authoritative view) and Malikis do not.
Surah an-Nur 24:32Sahih Muslim, Kitab at-TalaqSurah at-Talaq 65:7
19What is the ruling on marrying a divorcee or a widow(er)?
Marrying a widow, divorcee, widower or divorced man is permissible and honourable; there is no deficiency in that status under the Shariah.
Most of the Prophet's ﷺ wives were previously married, including Khadijah r.a., who was older. The command in an-Nur 24:32 to marry off al-ayama covers unmarried women and men, including the widowed and divorced. Practical matters must be prepared: relations with the former spouse, maintenance and custody of existing children, the role of step-parent, and making sure the woman's ʿiddah has ended before the akad. Avoid social stigma against divorced or widowed women — it is contrary to Islamic character. See Children regarding stepchildren.
Most of the Prophet's ﷺ wives were previously married, including Khadijah r.a., who was older. The command in an-Nur 24:32 to marry off al-ayama covers unmarried women and men, including the widowed and divorced. Practical matters must be prepared: relations with the former spouse, maintenance and custody of existing children, the role of step-parent, and making sure the woman's ʿiddah has ended before the akad. Avoid social stigma against divorced or widowed women — it is contrary to Islamic character. See Children regarding stepchildren.
Surah an-Nur 24:32Surah al-Baqarah 2:234–235
20Can I marry a Muslim of a different ethnicity or nationality?
Yes, it is permissible to marry a Muslim of a different ethnicity; Islam does not make ethnicity the measure of honour.
Allah made humankind into peoples and tribes so that they may know one another, and the most honoured is the most God-conscious (al-Hujurat 49:13). But be prepared for differences in language, customs, food, family expectations and communication style. For a foreign spouse, there are additional requirements such as documents confirming single/divorced status and permission from the authorities, as well as immigration issues and the children's citizenship. Discuss early where you will live and relations with both families. See Cross-border marriage.
Allah made humankind into peoples and tribes so that they may know one another, and the most honoured is the most God-conscious (al-Hujurat 49:13). But be prepared for differences in language, customs, food, family expectations and communication style. For a foreign spouse, there are additional requirements such as documents confirming single/divorced status and permission from the authorities, as well as immigration issues and the children's citizenship. Discuss early where you will live and relations with both families. See Cross-border marriage.
Surah al-Hujurat 49:13refer to the state enactment
21Can I marry my own cousin?
Yes, marrying a cousin is permissible because a cousin is not a mahram.
The list of women whom it is forbidden to marry in an-Nisa' 4:23 does not include cousins, and Allah says that all others are made lawful (an-Nisa' 4:24). Al-Ahzab 33:50 also mentions the daughters of paternal and maternal uncles as lawful for the Prophet ﷺ, and he married Zainab bint Jahsh, his cousin. However, some Shafi'i scholars consider it preferable to choose someone who is not a close relative, and medically, cousin marriage raises the risk of recessive genetic diseases such as thalassaemia. Consider genetic screening and a doctor's advice. See Mahram.
The list of women whom it is forbidden to marry in an-Nisa' 4:23 does not include cousins, and Allah says that all others are made lawful (an-Nisa' 4:24). Al-Ahzab 33:50 also mentions the daughters of paternal and maternal uncles as lawful for the Prophet ﷺ, and he married Zainab bint Jahsh, his cousin. However, some Shafi'i scholars consider it preferable to choose someone who is not a close relative, and medically, cousin marriage raises the risk of recessive genetic diseases such as thalassaemia. Consider genetic screening and a doctor's advice. See Mahram.
Surah an-Nisa' 4:23–24Surah al-Ahzab 33:50
22My prospective spouse has a dark past. Should I go ahead?
If they have truly repented and are now steadfast, their past should not be an obstacle; Allah accepts repentance and erases sins.
Islam encourages concealing faults that have been left behind; a person is not obliged to disclose past sins that Allah has concealed, and the Prophet ﷺ censured those who publicise their own sins. Assess their present state: prayer, honesty, the company they keep, and evidence of change. If the past still has present consequences — such as debts, addiction, an infectious disease or dependent children — it must be discussed honestly. The verse an-Nur 24:3 is understood by many scholars to refer to fornicators who have not repented. Pray istikharah and seek advice from people of knowledge.
Islam encourages concealing faults that have been left behind; a person is not obliged to disclose past sins that Allah has concealed, and the Prophet ﷺ censured those who publicise their own sins. Assess their present state: prayer, honesty, the company they keep, and evidence of change. If the past still has present consequences — such as debts, addiction, an infectious disease or dependent children — it must be discussed honestly. The verse an-Nur 24:3 is understood by many scholars to refer to fornicators who have not repented. Pray istikharah and seek advice from people of knowledge.
Surah az-Zumar 39:53Sahih al-Bukhari 6069Sahih Muslim, Kitab az-Zuhd wa ar-Raqa'iqSurah an-Nur 24:3
23My future husband/wife does not pray. Should I marry them?
Abandoning prayer is a major sin; it is better not to proceed with the marriage until they have truly changed, because religion is the primary criterion for a spouse.
Prayer is the pillar of religion and the clearest sign of a person's relationship with Allah. A husband is responsible for leading his family towards good (at-Tahrim 66:6), while a wife is the children's first educator. Do not marry hoping to "change them after the wedding" — the change must be proven before the akad. Legally, in the Shafi'i school the marriage remains valid so long as they are Muslim, but the happiness and blessing of the home are seriously affected. Advise them with wisdom and pray istikharah.
Prayer is the pillar of religion and the clearest sign of a person's relationship with Allah. A husband is responsible for leading his family towards good (at-Tahrim 66:6), while a wife is the children's first educator. Do not marry hoping to "change them after the wedding" — the change must be proven before the akad. Legally, in the Shafi'i school the marriage remains valid so long as they are Muslim, but the happiness and blessing of the home are seriously affected. Advise them with wisdom and pray istikharah.
Differences between the schools. Some Hanbali scholars hold that deliberately abandoning prayer amounts to disbelief, which then affects the validity of the marriage; the majority (including the Shafi'i school) regard such a person as sinful (fasiq) as long as they do not deny its obligation.
Sahih al-Bukhari 5090Surah at-Tahrim 66:6Surah Taha 20:132
24My prospective spouse has a chronic illness. Should I go ahead?
It is permissible to proceed with the marriage if you know their condition and accept it willingly; sincerely accepting a spouse who is ill is a noble deed.
What matters is transparency: you have the right to know the actual condition, the prognosis, the cost of treatment and its effect on family life, including fertility and risks to children. See a doctor together to get a true picture. Consider your emotional and financial capacity as a carer, and the support of your family. If the illness is infectious, take the preventive steps advised. Allah does not burden a soul beyond its capacity (al-Baqarah 2:286) — make your decision honestly with yourself, not out of pressure or guilt.
What matters is transparency: you have the right to know the actual condition, the prognosis, the cost of treatment and its effect on family life, including fertility and risks to children. See a doctor together to get a true picture. Consider your emotional and financial capacity as a carer, and the support of your family. If the illness is infectious, take the preventive steps advised. Allah does not burden a soul beyond its capacity (al-Baqarah 2:286) — make your decision honestly with yourself, not out of pressure or guilt.
Surah al-Baqarah 2:286Surah al-Baqarah 2:195
25Should I take a thalassaemia or genetic test before marriage?
It is strongly encouraged even though not compulsory in every state, because it can avoid the risk of serious genetic disease in children.
Thalassaemia is fairly common in Malaysia; if both partners are carriers, each pregnancy carries a risk of a child with thalassaemia major. A simple blood test can be done at a health clinic. A carrier result does not forbid the marriage — it gives information for decision-making and planning, such as genetic counselling. Islam tells us to take precautions and prevent harm; the Prophet ﷺ also told us to keep away from sources of contagious disease. Couples who are close relatives have even more reason to do it. Consult a health clinic and the States page.
Thalassaemia is fairly common in Malaysia; if both partners are carriers, each pregnancy carries a risk of a child with thalassaemia major. A simple blood test can be done at a health clinic. A carrier result does not forbid the marriage — it gives information for decision-making and planning, such as genetic counselling. Islam tells us to take precautions and prevent harm; the Prophet ﷺ also told us to keep away from sources of contagious disease. Couples who are close relatives have even more reason to do it. Consult a health clinic and the States page.
Surah al-Baqarah 2:195Sahih al-Bukhari 5707narrated by Ibn Majah (hasan) — la darar wa la dirar
26Must I tell my prospective spouse about my illness?
Yes, an illness or defect that affects the marriage must be disclosed; concealing it is deception.
The Prophet ﷺ said that whoever deceives is not one of us. The Shafi'i jurists list defects such as insanity, leprosy, leucoderma and genital defects as grounds for judicial dissolution (fasakh) if concealed, and Islamic family law in Malaysia also recognises certain illnesses as grounds for fasakh. Other serious illnesses — contagious ones, those affecting fertility, or significant mental disorders — should also be disclosed out of trustworthiness. Minor illnesses that do not affect the household need not be made known. See Talaq & divorce on fasakh.
The Prophet ﷺ said that whoever deceives is not one of us. The Shafi'i jurists list defects such as insanity, leprosy, leucoderma and genital defects as grounds for judicial dissolution (fasakh) if concealed, and Islamic family law in Malaysia also recognises certain illnesses as grounds for fasakh. Other serious illnesses — contagious ones, those affecting fertility, or significant mental disorders — should also be disclosed out of trustworthiness. Minor illnesses that do not affect the household need not be made known. See Talaq & divorce on fasakh.
27Can I marry while still studying at university?
Yes, and it may be good for preserving one's chastity, on condition that maintenance and responsibilities can be borne and studies are not neglected.
The Prophet ﷺ tied marriage to ability. Students who marry need to plan: a source of maintenance (part-time work, scholarship, agreed family support), housing, pregnancy planning, and time management. Also check the conditions of your scholarship or sponsor and the institution's rules. Allah promises sufficiency to those who marry to preserve their chastity (an-Nur 24:32), but that promise comes with effort. Talk with both sets of parents and use the calculator to estimate costs.
The Prophet ﷺ tied marriage to ability. Students who marry need to plan: a source of maintenance (part-time work, scholarship, agreed family support), housing, pregnancy planning, and time management. Also check the conditions of your scholarship or sponsor and the institution's rules. Allah promises sufficiency to those who marry to preserve their chastity (an-Nur 24:32), but that promise comes with effort. Talk with both sets of parents and use the calculator to estimate costs.
Sahih al-Bukhari 5066Surah an-Nur 24:32Surah al-Baqarah 2:286
28Do I need my own house before marrying?
Owning a house is not obligatory, but the husband must provide suitable housing according to his means — it can be rented.
Scholars cite at-Talaq 65:6 (house them where you live, according to your means) as evidence that housing is part of a wife's maintenance. The home must be safe, give privacy and meet basic needs. Living with in-laws is permitted if the wife consents and her privacy is protected; the wife has the right to ask for a space of her own. Do not delay marriage merely because you cannot yet afford to buy a house. Discuss the living arrangements before the contract. See Maintenance (nafkah).
Scholars cite at-Talaq 65:6 (house them where you live, according to your means) as evidence that housing is part of a wife's maintenance. The home must be safe, give privacy and meet basic needs. Living with in-laws is permitted if the wife consents and her privacy is protected; the wife has the right to ask for a space of her own. Do not delay marriage merely because you cannot yet afford to buy a house. Discuss the living arrangements before the contract. See Maintenance (nafkah).
Surah at-Talaq 65:6Surah at-Talaq 65:7
29When I ask people about a prospective spouse's character, is that backbiting?
No; asking about and giving honest information on a prospective spouse for the purpose of marriage is permissible, and is even a form of sincere advice.
Fatimah bint Qais r.a. sought the Prophet's ﷺ view on two suitors, and he honestly mentioned the shortcomings of each and suggested Usamah. Imam an-Nawawi lists consultation in marriage matters among the situations in which ghibah is permitted. The conditions: ask people who truly know the person, mention only relevant matters, do not exaggerate, and have a sincere intention. The person asked must in turn be honest and not hide important matters — religion is sincere advice.
Fatimah bint Qais r.a. sought the Prophet's ﷺ view on two suitors, and he honestly mentioned the shortcomings of each and suggested Usamah. Imam an-Nawawi lists consultation in marriage matters among the situations in which ghibah is permitted. The conditions: ask people who truly know the person, mention only relevant matters, do not exaggerate, and have a sincere intention. The person asked must in turn be honest and not hide important matters — religion is sincere advice.
Sahih Muslim, Kitab at-TalaqSahih Muslim, Kitab al-Imanan-Nawawi, Riyadh as-Salihin (chapter on permitted backbiting)
30Can I ask a go-between or an ustaz to help find me a spouse?
Yes, and indeed it is a praiseworthy and discreet way, because it helps protect the dignity of both parties.
The Companions of the Prophet ﷺ commonly acted as intermediaries; Umar r.a. himself offered his daughter Hafsah to other Companions before she was proposed to by the Prophet ﷺ. A good go-between is trustworthy, knows both parties, and conveys information honestly without embellishment. Such help is part of cooperating in goodness (al-Ma'idah 5:2). After being introduced, continue by asking questions, praying istikharah and involving the family. Avoid intermediaries who demand unreasonable fees or promise a "guaranteed match".
The Companions of the Prophet ﷺ commonly acted as intermediaries; Umar r.a. himself offered his daughter Hafsah to other Companions before she was proposed to by the Prophet ﷺ. A good go-between is trustworthy, knows both parties, and conveys information honestly without embellishment. Such help is part of cooperating in goodness (al-Ma'idah 5:2). After being introduced, continue by asking questions, praying istikharah and involving the family. Avoid intermediaries who demand unreasonable fees or promise a "guaranteed match".
Sahih al-Bukhari 5122 (the story of Umar offering Hafsah)Surah al-Ma'idah 5:2
31My match is slow in coming. What should I do?
Keep praying and making an effort in permitted ways, while thinking well of Allah's decree.
One's spouse is decreed, but effort is commanded: let family and trusted friends know, join good activities and communities, use an intermediary, and improve yourself. Make plenty of supplication — among those often practised is the supplication of the Prophet Musa a.s. "Rabbi inni lima anzalta ilayya min khairin faqir" (al-Qasas 28:24), which he made before he was brought to his spouse. Avoid superstitious practices such as "bathing to remove bad luck", as they contradict sound belief. Reassess if your criteria are too strict on secondary matters. Allah does not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves (ar-Ra'd 13:11).
One's spouse is decreed, but effort is commanded: let family and trusted friends know, join good activities and communities, use an intermediary, and improve yourself. Make plenty of supplication — among those often practised is the supplication of the Prophet Musa a.s. "Rabbi inni lima anzalta ilayya min khairin faqir" (al-Qasas 28:24), which he made before he was brought to his spouse. Avoid superstitious practices such as "bathing to remove bad luck", as they contradict sound belief. Reassess if your criteria are too strict on secondary matters. Allah does not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves (ar-Ra'd 13:11).
Surah al-Qasas 28:24Surah ar-Ra'd 13:11Surah al-Baqarah 2:216
32How do I prepare emotionally before marrying?
Emotional preparation means being able to manage feelings, communicate and compromise — because marriage unites two different people.
Practical steps: identify your anger triggers and how you react; resolve old wounds (for example family trauma) with a counsellor's help if needed; learn to listen without judging; be ready not to win every time; and realise that love changes form into mawaddah (affection) and rahmah (mercy) (ar-Rum 30:21). Islam commands living together in kindness and patience with what one dislikes in a spouse (an-Nisa' 4:19). Pre-marriage courses and pre-nikah counselling sessions help a great deal.
Practical steps: identify your anger triggers and how you react; resolve old wounds (for example family trauma) with a counsellor's help if needed; learn to listen without judging; be ready not to win every time; and realise that love changes form into mawaddah (affection) and rahmah (mercy) (ar-Rum 30:21). Islam commands living together in kindness and patience with what one dislikes in a spouse (an-Nisa' 4:19). Pre-marriage courses and pre-nikah counselling sessions help a great deal.
Surah ar-Rum 30:21Surah an-Nisa' 4:19narrated by Muslim — la yafrak mu'minun mu'minah
33How should a man prepare to become a husband and head of the family?
A man must be ready to carry the family's leadership (qiwamah), maintenance and religious education, not merely the power to make decisions.
Allah made men leaders because of the responsibility of maintenance (an-Nisa' 4:34), and commands protecting oneself and one's family from the Fire (at-Tahrim 66:6). Every leader will be asked about those in his care. Preparation includes: a stable income, knowledge of family fiqh, skill in managing conflict without violence, willingness to help with household matters — the Prophet ﷺ himself helped his family — and the ability to lead the prayer. The best of husbands is the one who is best to his family. See Responsibilities.
Allah made men leaders because of the responsibility of maintenance (an-Nisa' 4:34), and commands protecting oneself and one's family from the Fire (at-Tahrim 66:6). Every leader will be asked about those in his care. Preparation includes: a stable income, knowledge of family fiqh, skill in managing conflict without violence, willingness to help with household matters — the Prophet ﷺ himself helped his family — and the ability to lead the prayer. The best of husbands is the one who is best to his family. See Responsibilities.
Surah an-Nisa' 4:34Surah at-Tahrim 66:6Sahih al-Bukhari 893Sahih Muslim, Kitab al-ImarahJami' at-Tirmidhi 3895 (sahih)
34How should a woman prepare before becoming a wife?
A woman needs to be prepared with knowledge of her rights and responsibilities, emotional stability, and an understanding of the married life built together.
Preparations include: understanding the fiqh of purification (menstruation, postnatal bleeding, the obligatory bath); knowing her rights — mahr, maintenance, housing and kind treatment — as well as responsibilities such as obedience in what is right; discussing career and money management; and preparing for pregnancy and raising children. Allah has given wives rights equal to their obligations, in kindness (al-Baqarah 2:228). Household skills are good to learn, but they are a shared responsibility. See Rights of husband & wife.
Preparations include: understanding the fiqh of purification (menstruation, postnatal bleeding, the obligatory bath); knowing her rights — mahr, maintenance, housing and kind treatment — as well as responsibilities such as obedience in what is right; discussing career and money management; and preparing for pregnancy and raising children. Allah has given wives rights equal to their obligations, in kindness (al-Baqarah 2:228). Household skills are good to learn, but they are a shared responsibility. See Rights of husband & wife.
Surah al-Baqarah 2:228Surah an-Nisa' 4:4Sahih Muslim, Kitab ar-Radha'
35I have debts. Should I postpone marriage?
Not necessarily; debt does not prevent marriage, but it must be managed and disclosed to the prospective spouse if the amount is large.
Assess whether the income remaining after debt repayments is enough for the wife's basic maintenance — maintenance is an obligatory right that cannot be neglected. If the debt is small and under control, go ahead with a modest budget. If the debt is large (for example a personal loan or credit cards), make a repayment plan first, cut the reception costs, and avoid taking on new debt for the sake of a feast. Being honest with your prospective spouse about financial commitments is a trust (amanah). Use the calculator and Maintenance.
Assess whether the income remaining after debt repayments is enough for the wife's basic maintenance — maintenance is an obligatory right that cannot be neglected. If the debt is small and under control, go ahead with a modest budget. If the debt is large (for example a personal loan or credit cards), make a repayment plan first, cut the reception costs, and avoid taking on new debt for the sake of a feast. Being honest with your prospective spouse about financial commitments is a trust (amanah). Use the calculator and Maintenance.
Surah al-Baqarah 2:282Surah al-Baqarah 2:286Sahih Muslim, Kitab az-Zakah
36I want to marry to escape family problems. Is this the right course?
Marrying to escape problems is not a firm intention; marriage brings new responsibilities, not an automatic solution.
Every deed depends on its intention, and a decision as big as marriage should be made with a calm mind. If you are facing abuse or serious pressure at home, seek help directly — a trusted relative, a counsellor, or the authorities — rather than relying on a hasty marriage that may expose you to new risks. If you are genuinely ready and the candidate is good, marriage can be a legitimate way out; make sure the choice is based on religion, character and readiness, not the pressure of circumstances. See Counselling.
Every deed depends on its intention, and a decision as big as marriage should be made with a calm mind. If you are facing abuse or serious pressure at home, seek help directly — a trusted relative, a counsellor, or the authorities — rather than relying on a hasty marriage that may expose you to new risks. If you are genuinely ready and the candidate is good, marriage can be a legitimate way out; make sure the choice is based on religion, character and readiness, not the pressure of circumstances. See Counselling.
Sahih al-Bukhari 1Sahih Muslim, Kitab al-ImarahSurah al-Baqarah 2:195
37Should polygyny be discussed with a prospective spouse before marriage?
Yes, it is strongly encouraged to discuss each other's views on polygyny openly before the contract, for the sake of transparency and to avoid misunderstanding later.
Polygyny is permissible on condition of justice (an-Nisa' 4:3), but many couples have different expectations. An honest discussion lets the prospective wife make an informed decision, and the prospective husband understand his partner's sensitivities. Some couples include particular conditions or a taʿliq; their legal effect differs by school and state Enactment — see Conditions & taʿliq. In Malaysia, polygyny still requires Syariah Court permission (Act 303, s.23). More detail in Rulings.
Polygyny is permissible on condition of justice (an-Nisa' 4:3), but many couples have different expectations. An honest discussion lets the prospective wife make an informed decision, and the prospective husband understand his partner's sensitivities. Some couples include particular conditions or a taʿliq; their legal effect differs by school and state Enactment — see Conditions & taʿliq. In Malaysia, polygyny still requires Syariah Court permission (Act 303, s.23). More detail in Rulings.
Difference among the schools. The Hanbali school considers a wife's condition that the husband will not take another wife valid and binding (the wife may seek fasakh if it is breached); the Shafi'i school considers that condition void but the marriage still valid.
Surah an-Nisa' 4:3Act 303, s.23
38Can one be happy in a marriage without love?
Yes; many couples build love after marrying, because affection in a marriage is made by Allah, not merely brought along from the start.
Allah says that He placed between husband and wife mawaddah (affection) and rahmah (mercy) (ar-Rum 30:21). But there must be a foundation: sincere consent without coercion, respect, no feelings of hatred or revulsion, and compatible values. Islam encourages seeing a prospective spouse so that attraction can arise. Lasting love is built through kind treatment, communication, patience and worship together. Conversely, blind love that does not weigh religion and character can fade quickly.
Allah says that He placed between husband and wife mawaddah (affection) and rahmah (mercy) (ar-Rum 30:21). But there must be a foundation: sincere consent without coercion, respect, no feelings of hatred or revulsion, and compatible values. Islam encourages seeing a prospective spouse so that attraction can arise. Lasting love is built through kind treatment, communication, patience and worship together. Conversely, blind love that does not weigh religion and character can fade quickly.
Surah ar-Rum 30:21Sahih al-Bukhari 5136Surah an-Nisa' 4:19
39What is a suitable age gap between husband and wife?
The Shariah does not set any particular age gap; what matters is compatibility, maturity and the ability to fulfil each other's rights.
The Prophet ﷺ married Khadijah r.a., who was older than him, and that marriage was among the happiest. In the narration of an-Nasa'i, when Abu Bakr and Umar proposed to Fatimah r.a., he said she was still young, and then married her to Ali r.a., who was closer to her in age — showing that compatibility in age may be taken into account. A large gap calls for discussion of energy, health, family planning and the period of caregiving. Women should also consider the husband's ability to provide both material and intimate maintenance.
The Prophet ﷺ married Khadijah r.a., who was older than him, and that marriage was among the happiest. In the narration of an-Nasa'i, when Abu Bakr and Umar proposed to Fatimah r.a., he said she was still young, and then married her to Ali r.a., who was closer to her in age — showing that compatibility in age may be taken into account. A large gap calls for discussion of energy, health, family planning and the period of caregiving. Women should also consider the husband's ability to provide both material and intimate maintenance.
narrated by an-Nasa'i (sahih) — the proposal to FatimahSurah ar-Rum 30:21
40Is there a checklist to know whether I am ready to marry?
Yes — use this short checklist covering religion, knowledge, emotions, health, finances and family.
Religion: prayers kept, intention for the sake of Allah. Knowledge: understand the pillars of marriage, the rights of husband and wife, the fiqh of menstruation and the obligatory bath, the basics of talaq. Emotions: able to control anger, discuss and apologise. Health: HIV screening (required by the states), consider thalassaemia. Finances: income for maintenance, emergency savings, debts under control. Family: parents' blessing, the wali's consent. Administration: pre-marriage course certificate, identity documents. The full list is in the Guide and Procedure.
Religion: prayers kept, intention for the sake of Allah. Knowledge: understand the pillars of marriage, the rights of husband and wife, the fiqh of menstruation and the obligatory bath, the basics of talaq. Emotions: able to control anger, discuss and apologise. Health: HIV screening (required by the states), consider thalassaemia. Finances: income for maintenance, emergency savings, debts under control. Family: parents' blessing, the wali's consent. Administration: pre-marriage course certificate, identity documents. The full list is in the Guide and Procedure.
Sahih al-Bukhari 5066Sunan Ibn Majah 224 (the first sentence graded sahih by al-Albani; the full report is da'if)Surah at-Tahrim 66:6
41My prospective spouse follows a different religious understanding or practice. Is that a problem?
Differences in matters of furu' (secondary issues), such as school-of-law practices, can usually be managed, but significant differences in creed (akidah) must be weighed seriously.
Differences such as how qunut is performed, recitations in prayer or the practice of tahlil are recognised differences of opinion among scholars; a couple can respect each other. But if the difference touches on creed, or on an extreme ideology quick to declare others unbelievers, it can harm the children's upbringing and the harmony of the home. Discuss early: daily practices, the children's religious education, attitudes towards family members with different practices. If you are unsure about the creedal status of a particular teaching, consult the state mufti department. Allah calls the community to hold fast to His rope and not be divided (Ali 'Imran 3:103).
Differences such as how qunut is performed, recitations in prayer or the practice of tahlil are recognised differences of opinion among scholars; a couple can respect each other. But if the difference touches on creed, or on an extreme ideology quick to declare others unbelievers, it can harm the children's upbringing and the harmony of the home. Discuss early: daily practices, the children's religious education, attitudes towards family members with different practices. If you are unsure about the creedal status of a particular teaching, consult the state mufti department. Allah calls the community to hold fast to His rope and not be divided (Ali 'Imran 3:103).
Surah Ali 'Imran 3:103Surah al-Hujurat 49:10
42How should a man prepare before marrying a second time?
A man must make sure he is able to be just in maintenance, the rotation of nights and housing, and fulfil the legal procedure before taking another wife.
Allah permits polygyny but commands marrying only one if one fears being unable to be just (an-Nisa' 4:3). The Prophet ﷺ warned that a husband who inclines towards one wife will come on the Day of Judgement with one side of his body leaning. Preparation: assess the finances for two households, examine your intention, be frank with the existing wife and listen to her concerns, weigh the effect on the children, and apply for Syariah Court permission (Act 303, s.23). See Conditions, Polygyny in Malaysia and the calculator.
Allah permits polygyny but commands marrying only one if one fears being unable to be just (an-Nisa' 4:3). The Prophet ﷺ warned that a husband who inclines towards one wife will come on the Day of Judgement with one side of his body leaning. Preparation: assess the finances for two households, examine your intention, be frank with the existing wife and listen to her concerns, weigh the effect on the children, and apply for Syariah Court permission (Act 303, s.23). See Conditions, Polygyny in Malaysia and the calculator.
43Is it true that polygyny is a sunnah? Can one intend polygyny in order to follow the sunnah?
According to the majority of scholars, polygyny is permissible (mubah) on condition of justice — not a sunnah generally required of every man.
An-Nisa' 4:3 gives permission for up to four wives, but is followed by the command to marry one if one fears being unjust. Some Shafi'i scholars state that it is better not to take more than one wife without need, for fear of falling into injustice. The Prophet's ﷺ practice of polygyny had its own wisdom and context. A good intention — guarding oneself, supporting a widow or orphans — can make it an act of worship, but intention alone does not remove the conditions of justice and ability, and for most men one wife remains the choice closer to justice. See Fiqh of polygyny.
An-Nisa' 4:3 gives permission for up to four wives, but is followed by the command to marry one if one fears being unjust. Some Shafi'i scholars state that it is better not to take more than one wife without need, for fear of falling into injustice. The Prophet's ﷺ practice of polygyny had its own wisdom and context. A good intention — guarding oneself, supporting a widow or orphans — can make it an act of worship, but intention alone does not remove the conditions of justice and ability, and for most men one wife remains the choice closer to justice. See Fiqh of polygyny.
Difference among the schools. Some Hanbali scholars tend to see polygyny as preferable for those who are able and confident of being just; Shafi'i scholars usually consider being content with one wife preferable where there is no need.
Surah an-Nisa' 4:3Surah an-Nisa' 4:129
44Can persons with disabilities (OKU) marry? What needs to be prepared?
Yes, persons with disabilities have the right to marry like anyone else; a physical disability does not bar marriage.
The conditions are the same: sound mind, consent and understanding of the contract. For a person with an intellectual disability who cannot understand marriage, the marriage involves the wali and possibly court permission, with careful assessment of their welfare. Important preparations: openness about one's condition with the prospective spouse, discussion of care support, finances (including welfare assistance), home accessibility, and planning for children with medical advice. Allah judges people by their piety and hearts, not by appearance or physical ability (al-Hujurat 49:13). Society should support, not obstruct.
The conditions are the same: sound mind, consent and understanding of the contract. For a person with an intellectual disability who cannot understand marriage, the marriage involves the wali and possibly court permission, with careful assessment of their welfare. Important preparations: openness about one's condition with the prospective spouse, discussion of care support, finances (including welfare assistance), home accessibility, and planning for children with medical advice. Allah judges people by their piety and hearts, not by appearance or physical ability (al-Hujurat 49:13). Society should support, not obstruct.
45What is the ruling on choosing never to marry?
Remaining single out of dislike for the sunnah of marriage is blameworthy, but not marrying because of no desire, inability or particular circumstances is not sinful.
The Prophet ﷺ rebuked Companions who resolved never to marry for the sake of worship, saying: I marry women, so whoever turns away from my sunnah is not of me. However, Shafi'i scholars say that for one who has no desire and is unable, it is better not to marry and to devote oneself to worship. What matters is that chastity remains preserved. Society should also not pressure or belittle those who have not married, or do not marry, for reasonable causes.
The Prophet ﷺ rebuked Companions who resolved never to marry for the sake of worship, saying: I marry women, so whoever turns away from my sunnah is not of me. However, Shafi'i scholars say that for one who has no desire and is unable, it is better not to marry and to devote oneself to worship. What matters is that chastity remains preserved. Society should also not pressure or belittle those who have not married, or do not marry, for reasonable causes.
Differences between the schools. The Shafi'i school holds that for one without the need, devoting oneself to worship is better; the Hanafi and Hanbali schools generally see marrying as better than staying single for voluntary worship for one who is able.
Sahih al-Bukhari 5063Sahih Muslim, Kitab an-NikahSurah an-Nur 24:33
46Is there a special supplication for finding a good spouse?
No single specific supplication is required, but the Qur'anic supplications asking for spouses and offspring who are a comfort to the eyes are suitable to practise.
Among them: "Rabbana hab lana min azwajina wa dhurriyyatina qurrata a'yun waj'alna lil-muttaqina imama" (al-Furqan 25:74), and the supplication of the Prophet Musa a.s. "Rabbi inni lima anzalta ilayya min khairin faqir" (al-Qasas 28:24). Supplicate in your own language, mentioning the qualities you hope for in a spouse, at times when prayers are answered, such as in prostration and in the last third of the night. Combine supplication with effort, and with the istikharah prayer once there is a candidate. Avoid practices or amulets that have no basis in the Shariah.
Among them: "Rabbana hab lana min azwajina wa dhurriyyatina qurrata a'yun waj'alna lil-muttaqina imama" (al-Furqan 25:74), and the supplication of the Prophet Musa a.s. "Rabbi inni lima anzalta ilayya min khairin faqir" (al-Qasas 28:24). Supplicate in your own language, mentioning the qualities you hope for in a spouse, at times when prayers are answered, such as in prostration and in the last third of the night. Combine supplication with effort, and with the istikharah prayer once there is a candidate. Avoid practices or amulets that have no basis in the Shariah.
Surah al-Furqan 25:74Surah al-Qasas 28:24Surah al-Baqarah 2:186
47Should I look into the family background of a prospective spouse?
Yes, looking at the family background is sensible, because lineage is among the factors mentioned by the Prophet ﷺ and will affect married life.
The hadith of the four criteria mentions lineage (hasab), and it is also part of kafa'ah (compatibility) in the Shafi'i school. Family shapes a person's values, way of communicating and expectations; you will also be in close contact with in-laws. But do not judge someone merely for the mistakes of their family members — Allah affirms that no one bears the sin of another (al-An'am 6:164). Assess the person first, then consider the family dynamics. See Criteria.
The hadith of the four criteria mentions lineage (hasab), and it is also part of kafa'ah (compatibility) in the Shafi'i school. Family shapes a person's values, way of communicating and expectations; you will also be in close contact with in-laws. But do not judge someone merely for the mistakes of their family members — Allah affirms that no one bears the sin of another (al-An'am 6:164). Assess the person first, then consider the family dynamics. See Criteria.
Sahih al-Bukhari 5090Sahih Muslim, Kitab ar-Radha'Surah al-An'am 6:164
48I want to marry but I am afraid of responsibility and of failing. Is that normal?
Yes, that fear is normal and a sign that you are serious; overcome it with knowledge, planning and trust in Allah (tawakal), not by putting it off indefinitely.
Identify the source of the fear: finances, experience of divorce in the family, or lack of self-confidence. Each has a solution — a realistic budget, pre-marriage courses and counselling, and talking with experienced couples. Allah does not burden a soul beyond its capacity (al-Baqarah 2:286), and Allah promises sufficiency to those who marry to protect their chastity (an-Nur 24:32). Perfection is not required; what is needed is the willingness to learn and strive together. If the anxiety is very troubling, seek a counselling session.
Identify the source of the fear: finances, experience of divorce in the family, or lack of self-confidence. Each has a solution — a realistic budget, pre-marriage courses and counselling, and talking with experienced couples. Allah does not burden a soul beyond its capacity (al-Baqarah 2:286), and Allah promises sufficiency to those who marry to protect their chastity (an-Nur 24:32). Perfection is not required; what is needed is the willingness to learn and strive together. If the anxiety is very troubling, seek a counselling session.
Surah al-Baqarah 2:286Surah an-Nur 24:32Surah Ali 'Imran 3:159
49What important matters should be discussed with a prospective spouse before marrying?
Discuss the matters that most often cause conflict: religion, finances, where to live, career, children and family.
Suggested list: (1) religious practice and goals for the Hereafter; (2) income, debts, savings and who pays for what; (3) housing — own, rented or with family; (4) the wife's career and the possibility of relocating; (5) number of children, family planning and how to raise them; (6) support for both sets of parents; (7) how to resolve conflict; (8) views on polygyny; (9) health issues. Transparency before the contract is a trust and reduces disappointment later. More guidance in Rights of husband & wife and Maintenance (nafkah).
Suggested list: (1) religious practice and goals for the Hereafter; (2) income, debts, savings and who pays for what; (3) housing — own, rented or with family; (4) the wife's career and the possibility of relocating; (5) number of children, family planning and how to raise them; (6) support for both sets of parents; (7) how to resolve conflict; (8) views on polygyny; (9) health issues. Transparency before the contract is a trust and reduces disappointment later. More guidance in Rights of husband & wife and Maintenance (nafkah).
Surah an-Nisa' 4:19Surah al-Baqarah 2:228Sahih Muslim, Kitab al-Iman
50My future spouse is being treated for depression or anxiety. Should I go ahead?
A treated mental illness is no bar to marriage; what matters is openness, ongoing treatment and your readiness to understand their condition.
Allah does not burden a soul beyond its capacity (al-Baqarah 2:286), and mental health is like physical health — it can be managed with treatment. Things to know before the contract: the type of condition and how long it has been treated; whether they take medication and see a doctor consistently; the early signs that it is worsening; and the plan if a crisis occurs. Talk together with their doctor if they allow it. Avoid judgemental attitudes such as "weak faith", but also do not carry the burden alone without family support. If there is a history of untreated violence or substance misuse, consider more carefully. See Mental health.
Allah does not burden a soul beyond its capacity (al-Baqarah 2:286), and mental health is like physical health — it can be managed with treatment. Things to know before the contract: the type of condition and how long it has been treated; whether they take medication and see a doctor consistently; the early signs that it is worsening; and the plan if a crisis occurs. Talk together with their doctor if they allow it. Avoid judgemental attitudes such as "weak faith", but also do not carry the burden alone without family support. If there is a history of untreated violence or substance misuse, consider more carefully. See Mental health.
Surah al-Baqarah 2:286Surah al-Hujurat 49:6Surah ar-Ra'd 13:28
51I want to marry a foreign national. What needs to be prepared legally?
Plan early because two systems are involved: permission to marry from the state religious office, documents on the foreign partner's marital status and Muslim status, and immigration matters after the marriage.
Allah made people into nations so they might know one another (al-Hujurat 49:13), and a marriage across countries is valid if its pillars and conditions are met. In Malaysia, an application to marry usually requires a certified declaration of single status or divorce documents from the home country, confirmation of religion (for a convert, a certificate of conversion), the guardian's consent, and sometimes a letter from the embassy. The guardian for a foreign woman must be established; if there is no guardian by kinship, a judge-appointed guardian may be involved. After marriage, the foreign spouse needs a suitable pass to live here. Avoid syndicate marriages at the border; register the marriage properly. See Marrying abroad and the question on spouse passes.
Allah made people into nations so they might know one another (al-Hujurat 49:13), and a marriage across countries is valid if its pillars and conditions are met. In Malaysia, an application to marry usually requires a certified declaration of single status or divorce documents from the home country, confirmation of religion (for a convert, a certificate of conversion), the guardian's consent, and sometimes a letter from the embassy. The guardian for a foreign woman must be established; if there is no guardian by kinship, a judge-appointed guardian may be involved. After marriage, the foreign spouse needs a suitable pass to live here. Avoid syndicate marriages at the border; register the marriage properly. See Marrying abroad and the question on spouse passes.
52Should a couple have fertility tests or a full health check before marrying?
It is not obligatory, but a full health check before marriage is wise; specific fertility tests are usually only needed if there is a history or signs of a problem.
Islam encourages taking precautions and preventing harm (al-Baqarah 2:195), and the Prophet ﷺ said that Allah has not sent down any disease without sending down its cure (Sahih al-Bukhari 5678). Besides the HIV and thalassaemia screening required in many states, a check-up can cover blood pressure, blood sugar, reproductive health and vaccination status. If either person knows of a fertility problem, it should be disclosed honestly because it affects the other's decision. Test results are no guarantee, and children remain Allah's decree (ash-Shura 42:49–50). See Fertility and the question on thalassaemia screening.
Islam encourages taking precautions and preventing harm (al-Baqarah 2:195), and the Prophet ﷺ said that Allah has not sent down any disease without sending down its cure (Sahih al-Bukhari 5678). Besides the HIV and thalassaemia screening required in many states, a check-up can cover blood pressure, blood sugar, reproductive health and vaccination status. If either person knows of a fertility problem, it should be disclosed honestly because it affects the other's decision. Test results are no guarantee, and children remain Allah's decree (ash-Shura 42:49–50). See Fertility and the question on thalassaemia screening.
Surah al-Baqarah 2:195Sahih al-Bukhari 5678Surah asy-Syura 42:49
53Is it necessary to learn about intimacy before marriage, or is it shameful?
It is necessary and not shameful, as long as it comes from proper sources; knowing the rulings, etiquette and sexual health protects a couple from pain, misunderstanding and sin.
The women Companions were not shy to ask the Prophet ﷺ about matters such as the obligatory bath and wet dreams (Sahih al-Bukhari 282), and Allah gives guidance on marital relations in the Quran (al-Baqarah 2:222–223). The basics to understand: the rulings during menstruation and postnatal bleeding, the obligatory bath, etiquette and supplications, the prohibition of anal intercourse, consent and gentleness, and basic anatomy and reproductive health. The sources are the pre-marriage course, recognised books on the fiqh of marriage and doctors — not pornography. Discuss expectations briefly and politely with your future spouse as the contract draws near. See Etiquette between spouses.
The women Companions were not shy to ask the Prophet ﷺ about matters such as the obligatory bath and wet dreams (Sahih al-Bukhari 282), and Allah gives guidance on marital relations in the Quran (al-Baqarah 2:222–223). The basics to understand: the rulings during menstruation and postnatal bleeding, the obligatory bath, etiquette and supplications, the prohibition of anal intercourse, consent and gentleness, and basic anatomy and reproductive health. The sources are the pre-marriage course, recognised books on the fiqh of marriage and doctors — not pornography. Discuss expectations briefly and politely with your future spouse as the contract draws near. See Etiquette between spouses.
Sahih al-Bukhari 282Surah al-Baqarah 2:222Surah al-Baqarah 2:223
54I am marrying later in life (in my forties or older). What special preparation is needed?
Be grateful for the match that has come, and prepare in three areas: adjusting a lifestyle long lived alone, honest discussion about children and health, and financial and estate planning.
Allah granted offspring to the Prophet Zakariya in old age (Al ʿImran 3:38–40), and every match has its time. Things to discuss: hopes for children and the possibility of fertility treatment; responsibility for elderly parents; settled habits and routines; property, savings and a will, especially if there are children from a previous marriage; and where to live. A full health check is strongly encouraged. Do not rush because of age pressure; choose by the same criteria of faith and character. See Fertility and Managing an estate.
Allah granted offspring to the Prophet Zakariya in old age (Al ʿImran 3:38–40), and every match has its time. Things to discuss: hopes for children and the possibility of fertility treatment; responsibility for elderly parents; settled habits and routines; property, savings and a will, especially if there are children from a previous marriage; and where to live. A full health check is strongly encouraged. Do not rush because of age pressure; choose by the same criteria of faith and character. See Fertility and Managing an estate.
Surah Ali 'Imran 3:38Surah Ali 'Imran 3:40Surah an-Nisa' 4:9
55I grew up in a divorced family and fear my own marriage will fail too. How can I overcome this?
Your family history is not your destiny; becoming aware of old patterns is the first step to building new ones.
Allah says that each soul earns only for itself, and no one bears another's burden (al-Anʿam 6:164). Many who grew up in broken families build strong marriages precisely because they are more careful. Practical steps: identify what you learned from your parents' divorce — for example ways of quarrelling or not communicating; tell your future spouse about your worries; take the pre-marriage course seriously; and seek counselling if there are old wounds not yet healed, such as feeling abandoned. Choose a spouse for their character and how they resolve conflict. See the question on emotional preparation.
Allah says that each soul earns only for itself, and no one bears another's burden (al-Anʿam 6:164). Many who grew up in broken families build strong marriages precisely because they are more careful. Practical steps: identify what you learned from your parents' divorce — for example ways of quarrelling or not communicating; tell your future spouse about your worries; take the pre-marriage course seriously; and seek counselling if there are old wounds not yet healed, such as feeling abandoned. Choose a spouse for their character and how they resolve conflict. See the question on emotional preparation.
Surah al-An'am 6:164Surah ar-Ra'd 13:11Surah al-Baqarah 2:286
56I went through abuse or trauma in the past. How can I prepare for marriage?
Past trauma does not prevent a happy marriage, but it needs attention: get professional support, and share with your future spouse as much as you are comfortable with.
Allah does not burden a soul beyond its capacity (al-Baqarah 2:286), and He is near to the broken-hearted and answers the one in distress (an-Naml 27:62). Trauma can resurface in marriage through fear, difficulty trusting, or difficulty with intimacy. Steps: see a counsellor or clinical psychologist experienced in trauma before or during your preparation; identify your triggers; choose a spouse who is gentle, patient and respects boundaries; and tell them what helps you feel safe. You need not recount painful details, but openness about the effects helps. See Mental health.
Allah does not burden a soul beyond its capacity (al-Baqarah 2:286), and He is near to the broken-hearted and answers the one in distress (an-Naml 27:62). Trauma can resurface in marriage through fear, difficulty trusting, or difficulty with intimacy. Steps: see a counsellor or clinical psychologist experienced in trauma before or during your preparation; identify your triggers; choose a spouse who is gentle, patient and respects boundaries; and tell them what helps you feel safe. You need not recount painful details, but openness about the effects helps. See Mental health.
Surah al-Baqarah 2:286Surah an-Naml 27:62Surah ar-Ra'd 13:28
57What are the general steps and documents needed to apply to marry in Malaysia?
In general: attend the pre-marriage course, take the health screening your state requires, fill in the application to marry at the religious office, and obtain permission to marry before the contract; the details differ between states.
Act 303 requires an application for permission to marry to be made to the Registrar (s.16), and a marriage may not be solemnised without that permission (s.19); state enactments have matching provisions. Usual documents: identity card, the pre-marriage course certificate, screening results, photographs, forms signed by the guardian, and for a divorcee or widow(er), the divorce certificate or the spouse's death certificate. If the couple are from different states, permission from each state may be needed. Start a few months early because courses and appointments take time. Check the latest list on your state religious office's website. See State enactments and Checklist.
Act 303 requires an application for permission to marry to be made to the Registrar (s.16), and a marriage may not be solemnised without that permission (s.19); state enactments have matching provisions. Usual documents: identity card, the pre-marriage course certificate, screening results, photographs, forms signed by the guardian, and for a divorcee or widow(er), the divorce certificate or the spouse's death certificate. If the couple are from different states, permission from each state may be needed. Start a few months early because courses and appointments take time. Check the latest list on your state religious office's website. See State enactments and Checklist.
58My wife has died. When may I marry again, and what about my children's feelings?
A man has no waiting period; he may marry at any time after his wife's death. But the right time depends on your and your children's emotional readiness.
The waiting period (ʿiddah) is prescribed for women (al-Baqarah 2:234). The Prophet ﷺ himself remarried after the death of Khadija r.a. while continuing to remember her kindness (Sahih al-Bukhari 3817). Things to consider: are you marrying only out of loneliness or because you are ready; how will the children be told and involved; the late wife's estate, which should be settled first; and relations with her family. A future wife should understand that love for the deceased does not conflict with a new marriage. Do not force the children to call their stepmother "mum". See Remarriage and Managing an estate.
The waiting period (ʿiddah) is prescribed for women (al-Baqarah 2:234). The Prophet ﷺ himself remarried after the death of Khadija r.a. while continuing to remember her kindness (Sahih al-Bukhari 3817). Things to consider: are you marrying only out of loneliness or because you are ready; how will the children be told and involved; the late wife's estate, which should be settled first; and relations with her family. A future wife should understand that love for the deceased does not conflict with a new marriage. Do not force the children to call their stepmother "mum". See Remarriage and Managing an estate.
Surah al-Baqarah 2:234Sahih al-Bukhari 3817Surah an-Nur 24:32
59May I turn down a prospective spouse because they smoke?
Yes. You are entitled to choose a spouse on the basis of habits that affect health, finances and the family, and smoking has been ruled forbidden by the National Fatwa Committee Muzakarah.
The Prophet ﷺ made faith the basis for choosing a spouse, and told families to accept a suitor whose faith and character they are pleased with (Jamiʿ at-Tirmidhi 1084); habits that harm oneself and others (Sunan Ibn Majah 2340) may rightly be taken into account. If you are still interested, discuss it honestly: are they willing to quit, with a clinic's help, before marriage? Promises to quit "after the wedding" without effort now are rarely kept. Turn them down kindly without insult. See how to turn down a proposal kindly.
The Prophet ﷺ made faith the basis for choosing a spouse, and told families to accept a suitor whose faith and character they are pleased with (Jamiʿ at-Tirmidhi 1084); habits that harm oneself and others (Sunan Ibn Majah 2340) may rightly be taken into account. If you are still interested, discuss it honestly: are they willing to quit, with a clinic's help, before marriage? Promises to quit "after the wedding" without effort now are rarely kept. Turn them down kindly without insult. See how to turn down a proposal kindly.
Jami' at-Tirmidhi 1084 (hasan)Sunan Ibn Majah 2340 (sahih)National Fatwa Committee Muzakarah (smoking)
60My prospective spouse has told me they are infertile or do not want children. How should I decide?
Value their honesty, then assess honestly whether you can accept a life without children of your own; both choices are valid in the Shariah.
Allah grants sons, daughters or both to whom He wills, and makes barren whom He wills (ash-Shura 42:49–50). Infertility is no shame, and the Prophet ﷺ had no children with most of his wives. Yet the wish for children is a legitimate right, and the Prophet ﷺ encouraged choosing a loving and fertile spouse (Sunan Abu Dawud 2050). Discuss: has the condition been confirmed by a doctor and is there treatment; are there options such as adoption or caring for nieces and nephews; and if they "do not want" children, what is the reason? Do not marry hoping they will change their mind. See Fertility.
Allah grants sons, daughters or both to whom He wills, and makes barren whom He wills (ash-Shura 42:49–50). Infertility is no shame, and the Prophet ﷺ had no children with most of his wives. Yet the wish for children is a legitimate right, and the Prophet ﷺ encouraged choosing a loving and fertile spouse (Sunan Abu Dawud 2050). Discuss: has the condition been confirmed by a doctor and is there treatment; are there options such as adoption or caring for nieces and nephews; and if they "do not want" children, what is the reason? Do not marry hoping they will change their mind. See Fertility.
Surah asy-Syura 42:49Surah asy-Syura 42:50Sunan Abu Dawud 2050 (sahih)
61My future husband says he is divorced, but the court case is not finished. Should we go ahead?
Wait until the divorce is truly valid and registered, and ask to see the documents; if he is in fact still married, a new marriage requires permission for polygamy.
Allah tells us to verify news before acting (al-Hujurat 49:6). In Malaysia, a divorce must be confirmed and registered, and a man who is still married may not marry again without the Syariah Court's written permission (Act 303 s.23). For a divorced woman, a new contract is only valid after her ʿiddah ends. Many women end up in unregistered marriages because they believed it was "almost finished". Ask for a copy of the divorce certificate or court order, check with the religious office, and do not rush even under pressure. If he refuses to show documents, that is a warning sign. See The prospective second wife.
Allah tells us to verify news before acting (al-Hujurat 49:6). In Malaysia, a divorce must be confirmed and registered, and a man who is still married may not marry again without the Syariah Court's written permission (Act 303 s.23). For a divorced woman, a new contract is only valid after her ʿiddah ends. Many women end up in unregistered marriages because they believed it was "almost finished". Ask for a copy of the divorce certificate or court order, check with the religious office, and do not rush even under pressure. If he refuses to show documents, that is a warning sign. See The prospective second wife.
62May a sharifah (a woman descended from the Prophet) marry a man who is not a sayyid?
The marriage is valid if the woman and her guardian agree; in the Shafi'i school, kafa'ah (compatibility) in lineage is a right of the woman and her guardian that they may waive, not a condition of validity.
Allah affirms that the most honoured in His sight is the most God-conscious (al-Hujurat 49:13). The Prophet ﷺ told families to accept a suitor of good faith and character (Jamiʿ at-Tirmidhi 1084), and he married Zaynab bint Jahsh, a noble woman of Quraysh, to Zayd ibn Haritha, a former slave. Shafi'i scholars include lineage in kafaʾah so that a woman and her family are not demeaned, so if they consent, the marriage is valid. The real issue is usually family acceptance; discuss it respectfully, involve respected figures, and do not break family ties. See Kafa'ah (compatibility).
Allah affirms that the most honoured in His sight is the most God-conscious (al-Hujurat 49:13). The Prophet ﷺ told families to accept a suitor of good faith and character (Jamiʿ at-Tirmidhi 1084), and he married Zaynab bint Jahsh, a noble woman of Quraysh, to Zayd ibn Haritha, a former slave. Shafi'i scholars include lineage in kafaʾah so that a woman and her family are not demeaned, so if they consent, the marriage is valid. The real issue is usually family acceptance; discuss it respectfully, involve respected figures, and do not break family ties. See Kafa'ah (compatibility).
Surah al-Hujurat 49:13Jami' at-Tirmidhi 1084 (hasan)Surah al-Ahzab 33:37
64What should be expected and prepared for in the first year of marriage?
Expect a period of adjustment: daily habits, money, in-laws and intimacy are all new; small quarrels are normal and not a sign the marriage is failing.
Allah made spouses so that we find tranquillity, and placed affection and mercy between them (ar-Rum 30:21) — that tranquillity is built, not instant. Preparation: agree a budget and who pays for what before the first pay day after the wedding; discuss how often you will visit each other's families; learn how your spouse expresses anger and love; set a routine of praying together; and do not take every disagreement to your parents. Be forgiving of small mistakes, and ask your spouse regularly, "what can I do better?" If there is a serious issue such as violence or deception, do not stay silent because you are "newly married". See Emotional communication.
Allah made spouses so that we find tranquillity, and placed affection and mercy between them (ar-Rum 30:21) — that tranquillity is built, not instant. Preparation: agree a budget and who pays for what before the first pay day after the wedding; discuss how often you will visit each other's families; learn how your spouse expresses anger and love; set a routine of praying together; and do not take every disagreement to your parents. Be forgiving of small mistakes, and ask your spouse regularly, "what can I do better?" If there is a serious issue such as violence or deception, do not stay silent because you are "newly married". See Emotional communication.
Surah ar-Rum 30:21Surah an-Nisa' 4:19Surah asy-Syura 42:38
65My future husband is an only child who fully supports his parents. What should we discuss before marrying?
Discuss honestly where you will live, how money is divided and the role of caring for his parents, because that responsibility will continue and grow.
Kindness to parents is Allah's command (al-Isra' 17:23), and a man devoted to his parents is usually a sign of good character. Yet a wife's maintenance remains obligatory and cannot be set aside (at-Talaq 65:7), and she is entitled to suitable housing (at-Talaq 65:6). Important questions: will his parents live with you; what share of income goes to them; who will care for them when they become frail; and what happens if his mother's wishes clash with his wife's? Your willingness to help as a kindness is very valuable, but it should be agreed, not assumed. See the question on a husband putting his mother or wife first.
Kindness to parents is Allah's command (al-Isra' 17:23), and a man devoted to his parents is usually a sign of good character. Yet a wife's maintenance remains obligatory and cannot be set aside (at-Talaq 65:7), and she is entitled to suitable housing (at-Talaq 65:6). Important questions: will his parents live with you; what share of income goes to them; who will care for them when they become frail; and what happens if his mother's wishes clash with his wife's? Your willingness to help as a kindness is very valuable, but it should be agreed, not assumed. See the question on a husband putting his mother or wife first.
Surah al-Isra' 17:23Surah at-Talaq 65:7Surah at-Talaq 65:6
66I worry that my future spouse is involved in a deviant group or teaching. How can I make sure?
Check carefully before the contract, because a teaching that deviates in belief can harm the household and, in serious cases, affect the validity of the marriage itself.
Allah tells us to verify news before acting (al-Hujurat 49:6), and the Prophet ﷺ told us to choose a spouse for their faith (Sahih al-Bukhari 5090). Signs to watch for: a teacher or group demanding absolute obedience and money; practices without sources and kept secret; claims that only that group is right; or views that make clearly forbidden things lawful. The religious authorities in Malaysia publish lists of teachings declared deviant by fatwa; check with the state religious office. Ask your future spouse directly about their teacher and practices, and involve the family. Do not marry in the hope of "pulling someone out" of the group. See the question on differing religious views.
Allah tells us to verify news before acting (al-Hujurat 49:6), and the Prophet ﷺ told us to choose a spouse for their faith (Sahih al-Bukhari 5090). Signs to watch for: a teacher or group demanding absolute obedience and money; practices without sources and kept secret; claims that only that group is right; or views that make clearly forbidden things lawful. The religious authorities in Malaysia publish lists of teachings declared deviant by fatwa; check with the state religious office. Ask your future spouse directly about their teacher and practices, and involve the family. Do not marry in the hope of "pulling someone out" of the group. See the question on differing religious views.
Surah al-Hujurat 49:6Sahih al-Bukhari 5090Surah Ali 'Imran 3:103
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