Short course: 10 lessons every wife must know

1How to use this course

This course contains 10 short lessons on the household knowledge of fardu ain that every wife must know. Each lesson takes about 5–8 minutes to read.

• One lesson a week. Read it, understand its evidence, then do this week's practice. In 10 weeks you will have covered all the essentials.
• Test yourself. Answer the question at the end of each lesson before reading the answer.
• Read it with your spouse. This course has a companion: Husband's short course. Husbands and wives who know each other's rights and duties find it easier to be fair and to forgive one another.
• Go deeper. Each lesson links to a full reference page on this site.

This course is based on the Syafi'i school (the practice in Malaysia), with notes where there are important differences of opinion. It is awareness material, not a fatwa or legal advice. For specific problems, consult the religious affairs office, a family counsellor or the Syariah Court — see Counselling and help.

2Lesson 1: Obedience in what is right

Objective: to understand the limits of obedience to a husband — obligatory in what is right, not in sin.

A wife must obey her husband in household matters that are right (makruf): looking after the home and her honour, not allowing people her husband dislikes into the home, and responding to her husband's invitation to bed unless she has a valid Shariah excuse. This obedience is worship with great reward.

Obedience has limits: there is no obedience to a created being in disobedience to Allah. A wife is not obliged to obey if told to abandon prayer, uncover her ʿawrah, take on riba debt or commit sin. Refusing courteously in such matters is not nushuz.

Obedience also does not mean having no opinion. Ummu Salamah (may Allah be pleased with her) gave the Prophet ﷺ her view at Hudaibiyah and he followed it. See Rights of husband and wife and Nushuz.

"Obedience is only in what is right (makruf)." (Sahih al-Bukhari 7257; Sahih Muslim 1840)

This week's practice: think of one request from your husband that you have been carrying out reluctantly — make it an act of worship in your intention, or discuss it gently if it is not right (makruf).

3Lesson 2: A wife's rights and how to claim them

Objective: to know your own rights and the proper channels to claim them.

A wife's main rights: mahr, maintenance (food, clothing, accommodation, medical care), kind treatment, not being harmed, intimacy (nafkah batin), and her own property. These rights come from Allah, not as a favour from the husband.

Start by discussing things kindly. If that does not work, seek a mediator from the family (4:35) or a counsellor at the religious affairs office. If that still fails, the Syariah Court can order maintenance, confirm arrears and, in certain circumstances, dissolve the marriage through taʿliq or fasakh. Keep evidence: bank statements, messages, medical reports.

If there is violence, safety comes first: contact the police or Talian Kasih 15999. See Women's rights, Maintenance and Counselling.

"…And they (wives) have rights similar to the obligations upon them, according to what is right (makruf)…" (Surah al-Baqarah 2:228)

This week's practice: reread the words of the taʿliq on your marriage certificate and understand what they mean.

4Lesson 3: The fiqh of menstruation, post-natal bleeding and the obligatory bath (basics)

Objective: to know the basic rulings on menstruation, post-natal bleeding and the obligatory bath in the Syafi'i school.

Menstruation (haid) (Syafi'i): at least a day and a night (24 hours), usually 6–7 days, at most 15 days. Bleeding beyond 15 days is istihadah — the woman is pure and must pray, making wudu for each prayer time. Post-natal bleeding (nifas): usually 40 days, at most 60 days; if the bleeding stops earlier, she must take the obligatory bath and pray.

During menstruation and post-natal bleeding the following are forbidden: prayer, fasting, tawaf, touching and carrying the mushaf, staying in the mosque, and intercourse (the Syafi'i school also forbids skin contact without a barrier between the navel and the knees). Fasts must be made up, prayers are not (narrated by Muslim, the hadith of Aisyah, may Allah be pleased with her). Affection, sleeping together and dhikr remain permitted.

The obligatory bath (mandi wajib) (after menstruation, post-natal bleeding, intercourse or emission): its pillars are the intention and making water reach all the skin and hair. If the bleeding stops before the prayer time ends (even by the length of the opening takbir), that prayer must be performed. See Intimate etiquette and Q&A.

"They ask you about menstruation. Say: It is a harm (impurity). So keep away from women during menstruation and do not approach them until they are pure…" (Surah al-Baqarah 2:222)

This week's practice: note the start and end dates of your period each month, and teach your husband the basic rulings.

5Lesson 4: Guarding oneself, the home and the trust

Objective: to understand the wife's role as an entrusted guardian.

A wife is a guardian (ra'iyah) in her husband's house and will be asked about her charge. That trust covers her own honour, the household's private matters, the children and the property her husband entrusts to her.

Guarding oneself means keeping the ʿawrah covered and observing limits with non-mahrams — at work, in vehicles and online. Keeping secrets means not spreading a spouse's faults, including on social media.

Running the home is a great contribution, and many scholars state that household service is done according to good custom and cooperation, not as one person's burden. See Mahram and Responsibilities.

"…and a woman is a guardian in her husband's house and will be asked about her charge…" (Sahih al-Bukhari 893)

This week's practice: review your social media accounts — delete one post that reveals private household matters.

6Lesson 5: Communication and expressing needs

Objective: to express feelings and needs to your husband with courage and courtesy.

Islam does not tell wives to bottle things up. Khawlah binti Tha'labah came to complain about her husband to the Messenger of Allah ﷺ, and Allah revealed verses defending her rights. Expressing needs courteously is part of caring for the household.

Use 'I' sentences: "I feel tired when…, I need…" rather than "You always…". Choose a calm moment, one issue at a time, and suggest a solution. Avoid raking up the past, comparing him with other women's husbands, and days of cold silence.

If discussions often reach a dead end, seek help from a counsellor together. See Counselling and Rights of husband and wife.

"Allah has indeed heard the words of the woman who pleads with you concerning her husband and complains to Allah…" (Surah al-Mujadilah 58:1)

This week's practice: choose one need you have long kept to yourself and tell your husband about it with an 'I' sentence at a calm moment.

7Lesson 6: A wife's finances: her own property and charity

Objective: to know a wife's ownership of her property and the related obligations.

A wife's salary, mahr, gifts and inheritance are her own. She is not obliged to spend them on the household — maintenance is the husband's obligation. If she contributes, that is charity and a kindness that earns reward, and it is good to record it by mutual agreement.

Because her property is her own, zakat on that property (savings, gold beyond customary use, income reaching the nisab) is the wife's own obligation. A wife may give charity from her property, including to a husband in need — the Prophet ﷺ said that Ibn Mas'ud's wife earned two rewards: for charity and for upholding family ties (narrated by al-Bukhari and Muslim).

Keep records of property and contributions, and understand the right to harta sepencarian. See Maintenance, Mahr and Women's rights.

"…For men is a share of what they have earned, and for women is a share of what they have earned…" (Surah an-Nisa' 4:32)

This week's practice: work out whether your savings and gold have reached the zakat threshold (nisab), and record your contributions to the household.

8Lesson 7: Raising children

Objective: to understand the mother's role as the first school and the foundation of a child's upbringing.

Every child is born on the fitrah; it is the parents who shape the child (narrated by al-Bukhari and Muslim). The mother is with the child most in the early years — the first language, first prayer and first manners usually come from her.

By stages: 0–7 years — love, knowing Allah, daily supplications and manners; 7–10 years — teach prayer, wudu and Qur'an recitation; 10 years to puberty — be firm about prayer, teach ʿawrah, menstruation/wet dreams and limits on interaction.

Raising children is a shared task: the husband bears full responsibility (66:6), the wife is the day-to-day guardian. Agree on rules so the children are not confused. See Children and Custody (hadhanah) and lineage.

"And those who pray: Our Lord, grant us from our spouses and offspring the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders of the God-conscious." (Surah al-Furqan 25:74)

This week's practice: teach each child one new daily supplication (before eating, sleeping or leaving the house) and practise it together.

9Lesson 8: Relations with in-laws

Objective: to respect the husband's family while keeping your own boundaries and rights.

The husband's parents are his parents; respecting them helps the husband honour them, and that earns reward. According to the majority of scholars, serving the in-laws is not a Shariah obligation on the wife, but kindness and good conduct are strongly encouraged.

A wife is entitled to accommodation that gives privacy (65:6). If living with the husband's family, discuss boundaries early: personal space, expenses and roles. The husband is responsible for being a fair mediator, not for making his wife a target.

A brother-in-law is not a mahram: keep the ʿawrah covered and avoid being alone together. See Mahram and Rights of husband and wife.

"Beware of entering upon women." A man of the Ansar asked: "What about the in-law?" He said: "The in-law is death." (Sahih al-Bukhari 5232; Sahih Muslim 2172)

This week's practice: do one small kindness for your in-laws (a call, a gift or a prayer), and discuss with your husband one boundary that needs to be made clear.

10Lesson 9: Facing trials with knowledge (including polygyny)

Objective: to face household trials with informed patience, not ignorant resignation.

Trials come in many forms: illness, childlessness, job loss, the death of a child, or a husband wanting to take another wife. Patience does not mean keeping silent about one's rights; it means remaining obedient to Allah while taking the right steps.

If the husband wishes to take another wife: in Malaysia he must apply for the Syariah Court's permission, and the existing wife can be summoned to be heard. The wife has the right to ask about his ability to provide maintenance and to be just, to seek legal advice, and to keep her rights to maintenance, her turn in the rotation and her accommodation. Depending on the taʿliq and the circumstances, there are also the options of fasakh or khulʿ. Polygyny is not a sign that the wife has failed, and accepting it or not is a decision to be made with knowledge.

Do not face it alone: prayer, a trusted friend, a counsellor and a Syariah lawyer. See Existing wife, Fiqh of polygyny and Counselling.

"And We will surely test you with something of fear, hunger, and loss of wealth, lives and fruits. And give glad tidings to the patient — those who, when struck by calamity, say: Indeed we belong to Allah and to Him we shall return." (Surah al-Baqarah 2:155–156)

This week's practice: write down three people or places you can contact when facing a serious problem (family, a counsellor, the religious affairs office).

11Lesson 10: Preparing for death and inheritance rights

Objective: to know a wife's rights if her husband dies and how to prepare.

If the husband dies, the wife inherits 1/4 of the estate if there are no children, or 1/8 if there are children; if there is more than one widow, that share is divided equally. Before faraid, funeral expenses, debts (including unpaid mahr) and bequests are settled first. Harta sepencarian can also be claimed at the Syariah Court.

A widow observes an ʿiddah of 4 months and 10 days (2:234), or until she gives birth if pregnant. During the ʿiddah she stays at home and avoids adornment, but may go out for needs such as work.

Prepare during your lifetime: know the family's assets, debts and accounts; keep important documents; make your own will; understand nominations and hibah. See Faraid, Widows and ʿIddah and rujuk.

"…And for your wives is one quarter of what you leave if you have no child; but if you have a child, then for them is one eighth…" (Surah an-Nisa' 4:12)

This week's practice: with your husband, prepare an 'if I am gone' file — a list of assets, debts, accounts, nominees and where documents are kept.

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