🕊️ Conflict & resolution · #116

Every time we argue, we end up dragging up all our old mistakes. How do we stop?

Dealing with one issue at a time is the key condition for a fight to be truly resolved. When old mistakes are dragged up, the conversation turns into a long trial with no end and no winner. Agree on a rule: today we only talk about today's issue. If old matters still bother you, note them down and set a separate time to discuss them calmly. When your spouse starts dragging things up, remind them gently: ‘Let's focus on one thing first, OK?’ Repeatedly dragging things up shows old wounds have not healed, so deal with them properly rather than throwing them as weapons. See communication & emotions.

← PreviousWhen is a good time to raise a sensitive issue with my spouse?Next →Our fights often start from misunderstood text messages. How do we avoid this?

Related questions

The same issue comes up in different forms every time we fight. How do we find the real cause?Fights that keep recurring in different forms usually point to one unmet need underneath. A fight about ho…Every time we fight, my spouse brings up the word divorce. How do I deal with this?Bringing up divorce every time you are angry is a destructive habit, because it plants a deep sense of insecurity in the relati…My husband threatens to marry another woman every time we quarrel. How should I deal with this?Threats like these do not solve problems; they hurt and create insecurity. Calmly explain their effect and ask …Every time we try to talk, it ends with me crying and the issue unresolved. What do I do?Crying during a discussion is not weakness, but a sign the issue touches deep feelings and your body is overloaded. Wh…We keep fighting about the same issue. How can we break the cycle?Work out whether the issue can be solved or needs to be managed; many differences in marriage never disappear, but…Every time I bring up something that bothers me, it turns straight into a fight. How do I start?How you open in your first three sentences usually decides whether it becomes a discussion or a fight. Start wit…

This answer is general reference, not a fatwa. For your situation, consult the religious affairs office, a Syarie lawyer or your state Syariah Court.

Comments or feedback

Read only by the MYPolygyny administrator — never published.

About Us · Ask · Site Map · Privacy · Editorial policy · Disclaimer