🕊️ Conflict & resolution · #134

The same issue comes up in different forms every time we fight. How do we find the real cause?

Fights that keep recurring in different forms usually point to one unmet need underneath. A fight about housework may really be about feeling unappreciated; a fight about time may be about feeling neglected. Instead of arguing about different symptoms, sit down calmly and ask: ‘What do we really need underneath all this?’ Listen for the need behind your spouse's words, and share your own needs. Once the cause is understood, find a solution for it, not just a way to calm that day's fight. If the cycle is too strong, a counsellor can help identify it. Healing the root stops the leaves from sprouting again. See trials in a marriage.

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This answer is general reference, not a fatwa. For your situation, consult the religious affairs office, a Syarie lawyer or your state Syariah Court.

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