What is the difference between making a healthy complaint and insulting my spouse's character?

A complaint addresses one action, while an insult attacks the whole person; one builds, the other tears down. ‘It bothers me when shoes are scattered at the door’ is a complaint; ‘you're just filthy, you can't keep a house at all’ is an insult. A complaint gives your spouse something clear to improve; an insult only leaves a wound and a sense of humiliation. Train yourself to name the action and its effect on you, not to label their character. Add what you hope for instead. A spouse who receives a respectful complaint changes more easily than one who is insulted. Protect their dignity even when you are not happy. See communication & emotions.