💍 Khitbah & engagement · #16

Is the istikharah prayer needed before accepting a proposal? How do you know the answer?

The istikharah prayer is recommended, and the answer does not necessarily come through a dream.
Jabir r.a. narrated that the Prophet ﷺ taught the Companions to seek guidance (istikharah) in all matters as he taught them a surah of the Qur'an. The method: pray two voluntary rak'ahs, then recite the istikharah supplication, mentioning the matter of the proposal. Scholars explain that after istikharah, a person goes ahead with what seems good, and Allah will make it easy if it is good, or turn it away if not. Istikharah should be paired with istisyarah, that is, asking trusted people for their opinion of the suitor's religion and character. Do not rely solely on feelings or dreams while ignoring clear facts. See supplication & prayer.

Sources

Sahih al-Bukhari 1166

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Related questions

Must parents obtain their daughter's consent before accepting a proposal?Yes, a daughter's consent is very important, and for a previously married woman it must be explicit. The Prophet ﷺ said: "A previously married woman is not marri…How can one decline a proposal kindly without causing offence?Decline promptly, briefly, politely and through the same channel the proposal came by. Do not delay the answer too…My marriage proposals have been turned down again and again. How should I cope, and what should I improve?A rejected proposal is not a rejection of your worth; marriage partners are decreed by Allah, and every "no" can be a chance…How can I get to know my fiancé(e)'s real character before it is too late?Watch how they treat others and behave under pressure, because true character shows most clearly in anger, disappointment…May I look at the woman discreetly without her knowing?Yes, according to the Shafi'i school, and it better protects the woman's feelings if the man ultimately does not go ahead with the proposal.…May I ask for a photo of my prospective wife? What if the photo is without a headscarf?A photo in clothing that covers the ʿawrah may be requested for the purpose of a proposal; a photo without a headscarf is not permitted. Photos that…

This answer is general reference, not a fatwa. For your situation, consult the religious affairs office, a Syarie lawyer or your state Syariah Court.

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