The children are confused because the rules at my home and at their mother's home are very different. What should I do?

Accept that two homes will not be the same, and focus on keeping your own home's rules consistently. Children can learn that different places have different manners, just as at school and at their grandmother's house. Avoid criticising the other home's ways in front of the children, because that puts them in a difficult position. If possible, talk politely with their mother to align the big things, such as study time or phone use. Explain your rules calmly along with the reasons, not just give orders. Keep a steady routine so that the children feel safe every time they come back. See communication & emotions.