I often misunderstand what my spouse means and get hurt straight away. How do I avoid this?

Many fights are really about misunderstandings, not real disagreements, so check first before you take offence. Before replying with emotion, repeat back what you heard: ‘Is this what you mean?’ Give your spouse the chance to correct you if you got it wrong. Often a tone or word you took as sarcasm was not meant that way. Hold yourself back from jumping to the worst conclusion. If something really was hurtful, you can say so once you are sure, not on the basis of assumptions. Asking saves many unnecessary tears. Thinking well of each other (husnuzan) protects the relationship. See communication & emotions.