How do I talk to my spouse about my mother-in-law without running down their mother?

Share with your spouse by describing your feelings and what happened, not by attacking their mother's character. Use ‘I feel’ statements and give specific examples, not labels such as ‘your mother is just wicked’. Acknowledge your mother-in-law's good points too, so that what you say is fair and does not sound like hatred. Choose a calm time, not when your spouse has just come home or is tired. Say what you hope for, not just complain. Give your spouse room, because correcting their own mother is not easy. A considerate account is heard more readily than an attack. See communication & emotions.