How can I ask my husband about fairness in the rota and maintenance without it turning into a quarrel?

Choose a calm time, one issue only, and begin with your feelings, not with accusations. Avoid opening the discussion when you are angry or when he has just come home tired. Use phrases such as: ‘I feel a bit unsure about next week's turn of nights; can we talk about it so I feel more at ease?’ State your needs specifically, for example certainty about the schedule or the monthly allowance, not general digs. Listen to his explanation before responding. Fairness is your right as set by Allah, so asking for it is not complaining. If discussions always turn into quarrels, a sulh officer at the Syariah Court or a counsellor can help the two of you talk without hurting each other. See counselling.