Walimatul urus (wedding feast)

1The meaning of walimah

Walimah linguistically means gathering. Technically, it is a feast held out of joy; when used without qualification, it refers to the walimatul urus — the wedding feast. In Malaysia it is known as kenduri kahwin.

• A walimah is an act of worship and a public rite: showing gratitude for the blessing of marriage, announcing the marriage to the community, and feeding others.
• This announcement distinguishes a valid marriage from a secret relationship, and protects the wife's honour and the children's lineage.
• A walimah is not a condition for the validity of a marriage. A valid marriage remains valid without a walimah.

2The ruling on walimah: strongly recommended sunnah or obligatory

The main proof is the saying of the Prophet ﷺ to 'Abd al-Rahman bin 'Auf, who had just married: "Hold a walimah, even if only with one sheep" (awlim walau bisyah) (Sahih al-Bukhari 5167; Sahih Muslim, Kitab an-Nikah). The Prophet ﷺ himself held walimahs for his marriages.

3The scale and timing of the walimah

• Scale: according to means. The Prophet's ﷺ walimah for Zainab bint Jahsy was the largest, with one sheep (Sahih al-Bukhari 5168; Sahih Muslim, Kitab an-Nikah); for other marriages he served simpler food such as hais (dates, dried cheese and ghee) without meat (Sahih al-Bukhari 5387).
• Timing: there is no strictly fixed time. It may be held after the contract, or after the couple have consummated the marriage (dukhul). Some Maliki and Hanbali scholars prefer after dukhul, following the practice of the Prophet ﷺ; other scholars allow anything from the contract until after dukhul.
• Period: some scholars regard a walimah stretched over more than two days as disliked (makruh) if its purpose is to show off. The hadith about the first, second and third days is disputed in authenticity, so it is not relied on as firm proof here.
• Who bears the cost: originally the husband, because the Prophet ﷺ commanded the husband (awlim). In Malay custom, both families often hold their own feasts — this is permissible, as long as there is no harmful burden.

4Accepting a walimah invitation

• The Prophet ﷺ said: "When one of you is invited to a walimah, let him attend it" (Sahih al-Bukhari 5173; Sahih Muslim, Kitab an-Nikah).
• "The worst food is the food of a walimah to which the rich are invited and the poor are left out; and whoever does not accept the invitation has disobeyed Allah and His Messenger" (Sahih al-Bukhari 5177; Sahih Muslim, Kitab an-Nikah).
• A person who is fasting still attends: if it is a voluntary fast and the host would be offended, he may break it; if not, he prays for the host (Sahih Muslim, Kitab an-Nikah).

The ruling on attending: obligatory (ʿain) according to the authoritative view of the Shafi'i, Maliki and Hanbali schools for a walimatul urus; a strongly recommended sunnah (sunat muakkadah) according to some Hanafi scholars. The obligation is subject to conditions, including:

1. The invitation is addressed to him personally, not a general announcement to "anyone who wants to come".
2. The host is a Muslim, and the invitation is not only for the rich.
3. There is no wrongdoing at the event that cannot be removed by his presence.
4. There is no valid religious excuse such as illness, a difficult distance, or a more important responsibility.
5. He is not invited out of fear or in hope of some benefit.

5Etiquette at the walimah

A walimah is a joyful occasion that remains bound by the Shariah. The recommended etiquette:

6Wrongdoing at the event

It is narrated that the Prophet ﷺ said: "Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him not sit at a table where wine is passed around" (narrated by at-Tirmidhi; graded hasan by al-Albani). Matters commonly raised by scholars about wedding events:

• Serving wine or non-halal food.
• Free mixing, mixed dancing, or exposure of the ʿawrah of the bride, groom and guests.
• Indecent performances or music that distracts from remembrance of Allah — the ruling on musical instruments other than the duff is disputed among scholars; the majority of the four schools forbid them, while some contemporary scholars permit them with conditions. Avoid what is agreed to be wrong.
• Photos and recordings that expose the ʿawrah and are then shared on social media.
• Superstitious practices or customs that conflict with the creed (akidah).
• Showing off and boasting, including comparing events to belittle others.

What the guest should do: if he can prevent the wrongdoing by being present, he attends and prevents it. If he cannot, the obligation to attend lapses and he should not sit at that event.

7Extravagance and debt for the event

• Allah says: "...and do not squander wastefully. Indeed, the wasteful are brothers of the devils" (Surah al-Isra' 17:26–27), and "eat and drink, but do not be excessive" (Surah al-A'raf 7:31).
• Waste includes large amounts of discarded food, excessive decoration of the bridal dais, and event costs beyond one's means.
• Going into debt for a lavish event — including personal loans or interest-bearing credit cards — burdens a new household. A sunnah walimah can be held simply.
• Measure it by the husband's means: the walimah is his responsibility, and the Prophet ﷺ himself matched the walimah to the means he had.

8Walimah for a polygynous marriage

If a second or subsequent marriage takes place lawfully, the new wife has the same rights, and the sunnah of walimah applies to her as it does to a first marriage.

• The Prophet ﷺ held walimahs for his marriages to several wives, including Zainab and Safiyyah, when he already had other wives. The size of the walimah varied with circumstances (Sahih al-Bukhari 5168).
• Equal-sized walimahs are not required; what is required is fairness in maintenance, accommodation and the rotation of nights. However, the husband should be wise so that the event is not used to belittle any wife.
• A new wife has the right to have her marriage announced. Keeping a marriage secret by holding no walimah and telling no one is contrary to the purpose of announcement (i'lan) and can wrong the new wife and her children.
• The sunnah of staying the nights after a marriage: seven nights for a virgin wife and three nights for a previously married wife, after which the rotation returns to equal turns (Sahih al-Bukhari 5213; Sahih Muslim, Kitab ar-Radha'). See Upright.
• In Malaysia, a walimah does not replace the Syariah Court's permission or registration; the event should only be held after a valid, registered marriage contract.

9Partner site: Kad Kilat

Kad Kilat (kadkilat.my) is a partner site of MYPolygyny: a digital invitation card service for weddings and kenduri.

• A card is ready in a few minutes, with a choice of themes drawn from Malay motifs.
• The card works like a small web page rather than just a picture: a map link to the venue, an RSVP button over WhatsApp, add to calendar, copy the account number, and a DuitNow QR code.
• There is guest-list management and personalised invitations.
• Prices and packages are stated on their own site. We do not list a price here because it can change.

Related to the section Extravagance and debt for the event above: printed cards for hundreds of guests are a real cost, and a digital card is one way to lower the cost of the event without lowering the adab of inviting.

Sources & references