I tend to avoid things and leave all the decisions to my wife. Is that abandoning my responsibility?

Handing all decisions and burdens to your wife is not gentleness, but neglecting the trust of your leadership. Shura means sharing decisions, not disappearing from them. A wife who has to carry every matter alone will become exhausted and feel alone. Start by taking over some responsibilities that are clearly yours, such as finances or the children's religious education. Be present in discussions and state your position, not just say ‘whatever you like’. Your presence and involvement give the family a sense of security. Good leadership lies between two extremes: not controlling, and not disappearing either. See responsibilities of husband and wife.