🤝 Existing wife & prospective wife · #132

How do I tell the difference between protecting my dignity and just following my ego after my husband takes another wife?

Protecting your dignity aims to safeguard your rights and honour, while ego aims to win or retaliate, even at your own expense. Ask yourself the intention behind every action: does this protect me and my children, or is it just so I don't lose? Calmly claiming fairness is dignity; refusing to speak at all just to punish is ego. Refusing to be mistreated is dignity; repaying your co-wife's wrongs with wrongs is ego. Pause before acting and ask: is this bringing me towards peace, or just venting my anger? Choose actions you will not regret once your heart has settled. Consult a counsellor if it is hard to tell the difference on your own. See counselling.

← PreviousHow do I adjust my expectations of marriage after my husband takes another wife?Next →Since finding out my husband will take another wife, I have neglected looking after myself. How do I start caring for myself again?

Related questions

Since finding out my husband will take another wife, I have neglected looking after myself. How do I start caring for myself again?Looking after yourself is not a sign that you are not sad, but a way of making sure you are strong enough to get throu…How can the first wife protect her dignity and rights without hostility?Be firm on rights, gentle in manner — seek fairness through the proper channels without personal attacks. Know your rights: m…How do I deal with the pitying looks or whispers of people around me after my husband takes another wife?You owe no one an explanation, and other people’s views do not determine your worth or your happiness. S…When it is my husband's turn to be with me, I feel awkward and distant. How do I make the most of that time?Your turn together is precious time, so avoid filling it with arguments about the other household. Feeling aw…I am afraid of the future and of my place in the family after my husband takes another wife. How do I calm this fear?Fear about the future is usually bigger in the mind than in reality, so separate what is certain from what is only imagine…My heart finds it hard to accept having a co-wife even though outwardly I have accepted it. How do I make peace with it?True contentment grows slowly, and it is all right if your heart is still struggling while you keep trying. Start by se…

This answer is general reference, not a fatwa. For your situation, consult the religious affairs office, a Syarie lawyer or your state Syariah Court.

Comments or feedback

Read only by the MYPolygyny administrator — never published.

About Us · Ask · Site Map · Privacy · Editorial policy · Disclaimer