🧭 Preparation & choosing a spouse · #148

I am the eldest child and used to making decisions for my siblings. How do I adjust to sharing decisions after marriage?

Your ability to lead is an asset, as long as you learn to move from deciding alone to deciding together. Allah praises the believers whose “affairs are decided by mutual consultation among them” (Surah asy-Syura 42:38). Start practising now: before deciding something for the family, ask others' opinions first and listen to the end. With your future spouse, discuss which matters each of you will lead, and how big decisions will be made. Remind yourself that your siblings also need to learn independence after you marry. The eldest child's role does not disappear, but is now shared with a spouse who also has the right to a say. See household systems.

Sources

Surah asy-Syura 42:38

← PreviousMy recitation of al-Fatihah still has many mistakes, yet I will be the family's imam. What should I do?Next →I am a man who has never done housework because my mother handled everything. How do I prepare?

Related questions

I know I am quick to anger. How do I improve before I marry?This awareness is already a valuable first step; use it to build new habits before there is a spouse who bears th…My wife has died. When may I marry again, and what about my children's feelings?A man has no waiting period; he may marry at any time after his wife’s death. But the right time depends on your and yo…I will live with my husband's family for a while after marrying. How do I prepare?Discuss the rules and the length of stay with your future husband before the akad, because the best preparation is …I grew up with a very harsh father. How do I make sure I do not repeat the same pattern in my own home?Family patterns can be broken, and your awareness now is the most important beginning. We tend to repeat what we ar…I have never lived away from my parents. How do I prepare to be independent after marriage?Start practising independence now, little by little, so the transition after the akad does not feel sudde…I am the type who bottles things up and is rarely direct. How do I change before marrying?Being quiet or keeping things in is not a flaw, but you need to find a comfortable way to tell your spouse what…

This answer is general reference, not a fatwa. For your situation, consult the religious affairs office, a Syarie lawyer or your state Syariah Court.

Comments or feedback

Read only by the MYPolygyny administrator — never published.

About Us · Ask · Site Map · Privacy · Editorial policy · Disclaimer